Don't do it Toney. Hate me some more, post here. C'mon knucklehead you have a lot more to tell me. Im all ears...
Why dont you critique my posts Toney..

It's much better than the alternative. I've have posted addresses of places in the UK to go for help in the past
and you got upset.

Call someone close to you Toney. I think you have Tory's number as well...

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If you only knew Toney...but Thanks.
truce. why not?

Toney,

Please don't go.

Wishing you well...

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HI again Toney glad to see your back.
Sorry I dont have time to read your entire post right now.
I skimmed it and I believe I got the jist of the post.
How have the last nine months treated you?
Anything interesting to report.
Summer is soon upon us and this might be a very interesting year.
Keep in touch

Athiest

Hi Toney. I am still here...pm me?

Hi Toney,

You mentioned me above, on Apr 04, 2006 2:12 am, in the context of this thread but I have never posted on this thread until today. (Yeah, I sound like Fluffy, but unlike Fluffy I looked up the thread where we argued and linked to it, The Old Order Changeth)

I read many caring messages and helpful tips from others to you, and even gave a few tips myself. Here's another: NY Times: deep brain stimulation treats depression

But last fall nothing anyone said here seemed to help you. My point was that nobody on this message board has training in deep depression and it's dangerous to depend on us, especially if you're mixing booze and pills while talking to us. Perhaps you, basicbasic, other ex-CoS members, and some psychiatrists could work together to set up a therapy that would help you and others who are deeply depressed after CoS.

If all you need is to vent, and have us listen, we can do that. But when you threaten suicide, and ingest harmful mixtures while we are trying unsuccessfully to stop you from doing so, then make us bad and wrong for not curing you when we tried and we're untrained, then what do you want from us?

I have read and talked to people about counseling the mentally ill, and I recall that honesty and communicating consequences is more helpful than uncritical "caring" when a person is verbally agressive and trying to control the situation. So I'm doing my imperfect and untrained best to help you, believe it or not.

Hi Toney,

I hope life is treating you well, and I am sorry to hear you won't be posting here anymore.

I read quite a few of your threads when I was lurking here and they were very insightful as well as emotionally moving for me.

I agree, this place (OCMB) needs to be a safe place for everyone to communicate. This makes it much easier for newbies to "come out of the closet" about Scientology.

You bring up a good point about the suicide rate of people leaving Scn. When I first decided to no longer participate in Scientology, I experienced a few weeks of depression. I didn't know that was what it was at the time. Before that though, when I was thinking about leaving I was almost suicidal at the thought of leaving something that was so ingrained in my head to be the only right thing, and that something unfortunate that happened to me was all my fault and I'd "pulled it in".

OCMB needs to be a safe place for people to come to when they are having doubts about Scientology. I hope you will reconsider Toney, and stick around a while,

My best to you,
Serenity Now

Toney, Toney, TOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNEY!!!

Think about your Mother and your Father for a moment. I don't know how your earlier life went, let's say it was at the worst, terrible. Still and all,
they gave birth to you no doubt with the greatest of hope for you, and wishes for your life to be that of joy. I cannot imagine how horrible it must be to find your son in such a state, that he's ready to take his life.

Damn it Toney, whether you're drinking or not, will you please THINK about your own future. I don't believe you can take your life without some serious consequences. Too many people are hurt. I've been around a dear friend who took his life, and I've told you before, he was in Shock once he realized really, for real, it was O V E R ...for good. It's not a clean exit....and somehow my guess is in your heart, you're an actor of sorts. Make a clean exit. Remember, "Exit Stage left"?

And please, don't come onto a message board such as this, knowing we're not professional Doctors, and claim you're going to take your life, and then make us wrong for trying to help you. That's just not right, Toney. I wish you the best, and I hope you'll return to tell us you're all OK, and you've decided to stay. Either way, take care of yourself. You're singing to the wrong crowd here trying to say, "nothing has changed".

Little Tommy Cruise made sure of that! Just as I'm telling you, "There IS Karma"...so I told C of S. I wasn't sure how, but I said it over and over:
"you cannot hurt people like you are, and not experience some serious Karma. I have no idea how...but I'm sure it shall be some way you least expect".

So when TC did his thing on TV.....their Karma began! The media has rocked here ever since, and the doors of the phony 'church' are wide open for all to see. Two more major stations called me tonight! I was on CBS Friday night at the 5:00 news. Now some will say "She just wants Attention". BS! I want the word out, so people know to LOOK, READ, make up your own mind, BEFORE you get suckered in. And that is happening around the US, at least. I'm not sure re Europe, but someone should get on that, if they haven't.

Well, enough. Take care of you, and be well, dispite your hopes to end it all. It's not over, Toney. You haven't finished what you came here to do.
If you had, you wouldn't be taking your life. It would be done.

So...Look for the lessons. Which ones have you still not gotten? It is my belief that we all have lessons we're here to learn. Once we finally get them, we can then do a clean "Exit Stage left" and move on to higher plains. That is *my* belief at this time, April 2, 2006.

If you'd like to call, give me a jingle.

Blessings

Tory/Magoo~~
(818) 841-3632

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Toney, If it doesn't matter to you anyway and you are ready to die, why not just give what you have left to help others avoid ending up like you? You have a wealth of experience, all of which brought you to where you are now.

You are very intelligent, I am sure you know the statistics about people with high IQs. Nobody has ever solved all the worlds problems, and nobody is getting out of here alive. It does seem hopeless and redundant and useless to even try. But...maybe there is some reason we are here, and maybe it does matter what we do and say. Maybe we need to get over the idea that we can save the world and realize that making the journey a little easier for just one of our fellow travelers may be the best we can do. Maybe that is why we are here, and maybe that should be enough.

He isn't sincere, ignore him

I'm not a medical professional or even claim to know anything about your situation. So, let me tread into some territory here that maybe others have. If so, let's just recap here.

I'm going to take religion, cults and discussing the CofS out of all this. You have been contemplating suicide for 9 months now. What has stopped you? I have low self-esteem, I am on anti-depressants, I have been in counseling and still, I have some pretty ef'ed up days. Have I contemplated suicide in the past? Oh yeah. Several times. Do I now? No. I realize it's not the answer. Not every day is perfect, not every situation has a positive outcome, not every situation has the end result you want it to have and not every relationship is perfect or one that is truly acceptable for our needs. So, what does this boil down to? Acceptance.

Look. You have to look at your life, look at it as a whole and figure out what you have to accept, about yourself, your surroudings, etc. and look at the stuff you can change. If you are not happy, YOU AND ONLY YOU have the power to change it. Some things, however, cannot be changed. You have to accept that. If you are looking for total happiness, it ain't gonna happen. You have to be happy in the now.

You know, you're still here. You haven't taken that last step. Why? You're still searching because, I think, you know this isn't really what you want. What exactly are you searching for? What answers are you seeking? What is it that you really want?

Instead of focusing on the negatives in your life, how about looking at the things that make you smile. The things that give you peace. When was the last time you smiled? When was the last time you laughed? I'm sure, if you think about it, you will find that you smiled and laughed not too long ago and really, there is hope.

That's my take on this......take from it what you will. Peace.

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