My Experience/Analysis of the Psychotic World of $cientology

Share your personal experiences with others. We're not here to judge or criticise, but to share and support.

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mr_bad
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Post by mr_bad » Thu Apr 06, 2006 4:12 pm

bb,

you said:
congratulations on escaping. sorry you had such a bad experience. did it turn you off to all organized religion or just ones that don't let you think for yourself?
Funny question. I have learned more about religions and cults than I ever thought I would. I'm a little jaded about the whole topic of religion though. I never got what I wanted out of $cientology, but I was wise enough to realize I was never going to get it. More importantly, I now know how to get what I want, and I'm getting it.

I still think I'm 'waking up' to evils of $cientology. In other words, I learn something new all the time--last month, I learned about the 'Brainwashing Manual' Elron wrote in 1955. It's just baffling--the extent of one man's evil. It seems to have no end.

A year ago I would have told you I'm going to be a $cientologist for the rest of my life. I had this viewpoint--the man did some bad things, but the good outweighed the bad. It really wasn't until I came to this Message Board and started to express my true feelings that I was finally able to break the spell.

There are things wrong with $cientology that are inexcusable. Elron did things that are unforgivable--Fancy buildings don't constitute a genuine religion. In fact, I view the whole subject of $cientology and Elron Hubbard as sort of a mental-cancer that people need to cure themselves of, and it's not easy. You have to build up your confidence and disabuse yourself of a lot of fucked up ideologies that 'seem' to make sense.

The sad thing is--I turned to $cientology because I found that everything else out there was just incredibly lacking--I wasn't looking hard enough.

So, to finally answer your question, I'm turned off to religions to a large degree. I have my own religious philosophy, and it kind of goes along with Buddhism and the 'Golden Rule'. I also believe that violations of the 'Golden Rule' result in consequences.

Eventually, I'm going to write a book about this. It will be short and sweet. Literally, there won't be any indoctrination because I've just told you the extent of my religious beliefs, and I'm not about brainwashing and enslaving people.

And, if you've read some of my other posts you should know I have my own beliefs about therapy and therapy's role in helping people lead happier and fuller lives, so I'll probably include some of that. But whatever, I probably gave you more of answer than you bargained for.

Thanks for the question,
mb
Last edited by mr_bad on Thu Nov 30, 2006 4:41 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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BroadwayBaby84
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Post by BroadwayBaby84 » Mon Apr 17, 2006 10:53 pm

sorry it took me so long to reply but i have a lot on my plate with classes and finals.
you're answer wasn't long at all and i am glad that you have found something that has helped you with your life. the reason i asked is because after an experience like yours a lot of people end up not believing in anything at all and that can be bad too. For some people its better not to be part of a large religion. the way i see it it's better to really believe in something than to go to church just for the sake of it and go through life like a zombie (or a scientologist lol)

mr_bad
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Post by mr_bad » Tue Apr 18, 2006 12:05 am

bb84,

you said:
the way i see it it's better to really believe in something than to go to church just for the sake of it and go through life like a zombie (or a scientologist lol)


I totally agree with that statement. Ultimately, I think you (the universal you) need to believe in yourself 1st until you're fully confident that you can do whatever you set out to do and just build out from there. It definitely helps to have people around you who are loving and supportive of you--not the conditional kind, which is what $cientology offers, but the honest-to-goodness love and support. If you don't have that you should be looking for it--the sooner the better. It doesn't come from groups only individual people.

mb
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Grasshopper
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road to freedom album

Post by Grasshopper » Fri Apr 28, 2006 1:16 pm

:D come on Marly, we can all be critical but surely even the darkest corner of our souls can give great creedence to the exemplary creative light and tingles of joy that dance down ones spine as they listen to TRTF album. Its a great hybrid of the best bits of coltrane, miles davis, rolf harris, the mighty ZEP, Yazoo, Engelbert, "On The Wings Of Love" done by your favourite Karaoke drunk and not to mention Jefferson Starships finer points of emotional communion! Tsk Tsk you must be an SP or something! LOL
"For every hill I've had to climb, for every stone that bruised my feet, for all the blood sweat and grime, for blinding storms and burning heat, My heart sings but a grateful song - These were the things that made me strong!" Anon

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Post by Grasshopper » Fri Apr 28, 2006 3:31 pm

Mr Bad!

You Are Good! Proper love and friendship are the things we all thrive on. I have loads of it and can't get enough! Mr Bad your misnomer belies how much you obviously have! Greetings fellow BT harbourer! Give them a home!! they're not as big as you or I!

When I blew I remember the phone calls veering from " get in touch, we're concerned about you!" to " where the **** are you, you antilife suppressive wh**e of S*t*n son of a unsavoury woman" to the scene from exorcist when the girls head spits vile 360 degrees etc. And all they wanted to do was get me up the bridge, bless em. Good friends that they were!!? That progression was amusing to hear, especially on my answer machine which I hadn't listened to for a while. Curiously, it was all low toned nonsense while I was happy as **** to be away from it all!!!! CoS, friends for 5 Billion Years unless you pi$$ us off!
"For every hill I've had to climb, for every stone that bruised my feet, for all the blood sweat and grime, for blinding storms and burning heat, My heart sings but a grateful song - These were the things that made me strong!" Anon

mr_bad
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Post by mr_bad » Fri Apr 28, 2006 10:19 pm

Grasshopper,

I never got that progression downwards from phone calls--they were always polite. I guess the guys around where I live are a little afraid of me. I intend to keep it that way.

mb
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bluegrrrl
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Why Scn gets so many google hits

Post by bluegrrrl » Sat Apr 29, 2006 12:13 am

I don't even care about Book 1. I've said goodbye to all of it...
They probably have n number of ghouls sitting around all day, moving from computer to computer pulling up their sites to make sure they get the hits.
Every computer in their building is probably forced to have Scn stuff as home page and to be loaded at least once a day.

They also probably force people studying to use the web for certain things.
This way they stay at the top.

My advice is that every and anyone who has a blog or web site link to operation clam bake from it. google not only notices surfing but if a page loads I think it notices the links linked to from that page.

Con artists: they may be bad-arsed but I guarantee you that those top folks KNOW they are conning. They KNOW that the tech does NOT apply to them.

They know it as well as we do. Otherwise they couldn't put on their dog and pony show.

mr_bad
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Post by mr_bad » Sat Apr 29, 2006 1:14 am

Bluegrrrl,

Thank you.

You're probably correct in your suspicions. They definitely want to control all aspects of there cult members lives.

MB
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mr_bad
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Post by mr_bad » Thu Jun 08, 2006 8:39 pm

Hi,

Going back and looking at some of my original posts I realize how pissed off I was when I first came here. I'm still pissed off.

As I have been writing my posts I'm acutely aware of the fact that I'm still sort of "waking up" from my psychosis called the Church of $cientology.

"Church" members are responsible for convincing me to quit college and pursue this "bigger game" called $cientology, which has proven to be the biggest mistake of my entire life.

I realize I'm responsible for being vulnerable, gullible, and idealistic. And I took the steps to join the Sea Org, but every step I took was under the false pretenses asserted by Elron Hubbard, David Miscavige, and the $cientologists who have been trained by them.

I mean, I signed the billion year contract with the confidence of Elron Hubbard being a legitimate Eagle Scout, a college graduate, a family man, a multi-millionnaire sci-fi writer, a war hero, and most importantly, a virtuous and saintly benefactor of mankind. (ALL LIES!) I presumed that if someone would ask me to sign a billion year contract to join him/her in a crusade that they wouldn't have the audacity to lie to me about something as important as the person's character who was supposedly leading the cause. I could not have been more deluded.

But it goes even deeper than that because an emptyness began to develop from the moment I first started reading Dianetics. I couldn't figure out what it was. I liked some of the ideas, but this emptyness kept growing. I didn't have access to the truth. I was naive enough to believe I was getting the TRUTH from the Co$. The internet was in its infancy, and things like internet message boards didn't even exist, yet. So, what did I do?? I kept turning to L. Ron Hubbard for clues to help me figure out what was causing this "emptyness." In retrospect, I realize turning to L. Ron Hubbard for help was like being a jew in Nazi Germany and pleading to Hitler for help. I now realize the thing that was causing this "emptyness" was the lies L. Ron Hubbard has told. Because as I've come to the internet and read all the TRUTH about L. Ron Hubbard and the "TECH" this emptyness is being resolved because everything I ever believed about $cientology was a lie.

I now realize I was wrong for being a $cientologist, which is a hard thing to overcome because L. Ron Hubbard was very good at instilling an insane level of self-righteousness. He tried to convince people that being a $cientologist was like being a new breed of human.

Ultimately, $cientology is a fool's game. It is foolish to repay a freeloader's debt. If you have one just be thankful there's a barrier between you and them.

Spend time here on this website. You will soon realize you have been have been tricked, lied to, and stolen from by him and his organization's members while you were in "good standing." In other words, you have been "fair gamed"--if you have ever done a "lower condition" you participated in an update version of "fair gaming"

The more time you spend here the more pissed off you will become. You will become pissed off that the government hasn't shut this group down. You will be pissed off that deluded idiots known as "$cientology Celebrities" keep diverting attention to superficial "wins" when they should be directing the FBI to the insanity, criminal acts, and human rights abuses perpetrated by this organization--yes, there are plenty of them.

The pain and suffering you and I have endured because we have been stupid enough to believe in this man is inconsequential at this point. The fact that they never delivered on anything they promised me doesn't matter anymore either.

What matters is realizing this man, L. Ron Hubbard, will never come between me, my friends, my career, and my family again.

What also matters now is being here and telling my story and warning would be victims of this sadistic cult that tells lies and makes empty promises while continuously asking, "What else are you going to give?"

It's important that everyone has access to the truth about $cientology and L. Ron Hubbard and the things $cientology does to people--it's the critics job to do this, and we critics are human beings. We shouldn't just be dismissed. Don't let the pain and suffering we've endured be for nothing--Our stories are true and our stories should mean something to people.

Thanks for reading this.

MB
Last edited by mr_bad on Wed Dec 27, 2006 6:04 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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kins
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Post by kins » Fri Jun 09, 2006 4:24 am

Mr. Bad - your story touched me. I too, even after all the years I have been FREE of all this bullshit, get pissed off too. I feel it is our right to be indignant, we lost years of our lives.

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Post by Sarah » Fri Jun 09, 2006 6:58 am

Dear MB

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I too experience a continued awakening from CoS. I now have days where I don't think about it, but it stills takes so little to trigger something....... like how foolish I was to ever join. I was telling Andreas about how I joined and I just got this "Gee, if someone told ME that story I would think they were the blue-eye-est person on earth. How could anyone be so stupid?".

Lucky for me I didn't go in the SO (due to all the debts I had created to pay for courses, auditing and IAS) but I did sign a SO contract at one point. And I remember how proud I was and thinking that living under those condition I thought they lived under would be a piece of cake because I would be doing the one thing I loved - helping people. Luckily I didn't get the chance to experience what the SO was really like.

I figure the "awakening" will go on for years to come. That having been a Scientologist/member of a cult will always be a part of who I am. Hopefully I have learned something good because of it too. Althought right at this minunte I don't know what it is - other that the negative lesson of not trusting people, who are nice.

Sarah

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Post by SchwimmelPuckel » Fri Jun 09, 2006 1:36 pm

I can relate to that feeling of emptyness.. For me that stated the moment I had the 'DMSMH Cognition' - I mean by that, when I learned and considered true that I had a reactive mind. What Hubtoad labored to teach us in that book.

Before I read that I considered myself capable of thinking about everything. I could put my mind to everything.. There was no risk involved in only considering something. I felt that I could try out whatever it was. I could handle it...

I didn't consider myself en expert at much, but I had confidence in myself that I could look into and try out whatever it was.

A philosphy of the mind? - Let's look into that! Might be interesting.

So I learned that I could not trust my own mind! - I had a 'reactive mind' that screwed up my thinking. The 'ruggedness' I had taken for granted inside my own head was suspect.

I fell right in! - That 'engram' shit had to go! - I was even enthusiastic about it. Decided to become an auditor myself.

All the while feeling a deep loss over my cognitive abilities. Emptyness..

Then the lies in the cult became apparent. The paranoia about 'enemies' and SP's. Disconnection policies. The Operation Snow White courtcase in US. I had to squelch my doubts when the court sentenced 11 top GO staffers. OP Freakout.. Reading between the lines of the GO's own press releases I saw who did that to Paulette Cooper. The pay at the GO was so little as to be laughable. The system with stats and conditions worked as a regular insanity academy. Always a screaming emergency in that place (the GO) - Many things that didn't jibe... Until I quit.

At this time I had learned that I myself was the cause for lacking case gains. The tech was never wrong and being responsible was of paramount importance. Reading Hubtoads drivel had me convinced that I was an SP. The responsible thing to do was to fade into the background. Make sure that I did not 'damage' anyone.

Took me about 10 years to see that different.

The 'reactive mind' and the theories about it is the main trap. And it's a shameful lie from one end to the other!
[i]Ask not what [url=http://www.lermanet.com][color=blue]Scientology[/color][/url] can do for you, ask what the F*arck! is going on.[/i]

mr_bad
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Post by mr_bad » Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:31 pm

Schwimm, Sarah, and Kins,

Thanks for reading and understanding.

The truth of the matter is, I feel better now about my life and the direction I'm going than I ever did while I considered myself to be a $cientologist. I believe the reason I'm doing better is because of the genuine and honest support I'm getting from my anonomous friends on OCMB. I sincerely thank you all.

Even though I still get upset occasionally, that empty feeling caused by living under the shadow of Tubbard's lies is going away. Being able to talk about my experiences has helped enormously. I'm very grateful for this place.

The things I have told are certainly enough to create a lifelong enemy out of someone, however, I still haven't revealed everything. There are still a couple of very personal experiences I haven't told--maybe I'm saving them for later, who knows.

But, I will say this about my personal experiences I haven't revealed--they are the reasons why I continuously post here attacking $cientology.

I'm certain $cientology is a con, reason being, they don't act like decent human beings.

Thanks,

MB
Last edited by mr_bad on Mon Jun 26, 2006 11:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by deb_thang » Fri Jun 16, 2006 6:45 pm

Mr. Bad, I've just read this thread and am very moved by your story.

I'm so glad you continue to post the truth about scientology. I hope that for you the bitterness against the cult ebbs away and is replaced by simple strength of conviction, which gives equal passion in the fight without negatively affecting you the way bitterness does. Your family and friends are blessed to have you out of scientology, as is OCMB.

Sarah, your comment stood out to me - that you can never change the fact that you were a scientologist. I know it has profoundly affected who you are, but rest assured that the experience, while a negative one overall, has not been lost on you. You come across to me as a very kind and compassionate person, and I know you give encouragement to many who read your posts that might be struggling to regain themselves, or who might be still in and looking for a way out.

mr_bad
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Post by mr_bad » Wed Jun 28, 2006 4:49 pm

Hello All,

I have this fascination with the Dalai Lama. Last night, I watched his A & E Biography that I Netflixed. I have to say, he's one of the most remarkable human beings living on planet Earth today.

For those of you who don't know anything about the current Dalai Lama's history--he was born in Tibet, and one day, when he was 4, out-of-the-blue, he was telling his parents, "I'm going to Lhasa, I'm going to Lhasa, I'm going to Lhasa." Sure enough, a few weeks later, a group of monks, who were scouring the Tibetan country-side looking for the next Dalai Lama showed up on his family's doorstep. These monks were carrying dozens of items belonging to the former Dalai Lama--and some that didn't. The monks laid all these things out before the young boy. Sure enough, he picked out every single thing belonging to the former Dalai Lama. There were even a couple of items in the pile that the previous Dalai Lama had given away as gifts. The boy picked up those items, looked at them, and set them back down. Then the boy did something even more remarkable than that--without being told, he addressed each of the monks by their 1st names!!

Thus begins the story of the young 14th Dalai Lama who was now on his way to the city of Lhasa.

There's a whole lot more that I left out, but if you study this man's life, you will truly be inspired, and you will develop a great admiration for the Nobel Peace Prize winning 14th Dalai Lama. Words DO NOT do him justice.

Moreover, once you learn about his struggles against the Chinese government it's going to be hard for you to keep from liking him. The Chinese invaded Tibet in 1950's and destroyed over 5,000 monasteries. They murdered over 1 million Tibetans, and forced the Dalai Lama to flee in exile to India where he has led a crusade of peaceful resistance against the Chinese oppressors for over 40 years. His story is one of monumental perseverance against some of the most brutal persecution any culture has ever had to endure.

So, I'll leave you with a quote, the Dalai Lama has said, "Inner disarmament leads to outer disarmament." This is a statement you would expect a spiritual leader to make. It's also a very powerful statement.

Contrast this L. Ron Hubbard's, "Deliver an effective blow to your enemies." No, this core belief in $cientology doesn't sound like any group who truly wants "a world of peace, without war and insanity."

Even a superficial glance at $cientology will tell anyone whose looking for true spiritual enlightenment that $cientology is a dead end.

MB
Last edited by mr_bad on Wed Aug 02, 2006 5:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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