Hello my friends,

It has been a long while since I last visited this site. Someday I will come back and finish my story "WELCOME TO THE MOST ETHICAL GROUP ON THE PLANET". For now though, I just wanted to announce something.

I am blowing the lid offa things with my parents. Those of you who are familiar with my story have to know what a big deal this is for me. My mom is the ED of an Org - my dad is it's top fundraiser. They have been in the cult for 30 years.

I printed out my story for my folks to read and I wrote them a letter to go along with it. I have pasted it into this posting for your reading enjoyment. Here goes:

25 August, 2008

Dear Mom & Dad,

I have some things I need to say to you that I have been holding onto for quite awhile that I no longer wish to keep to myself.

I am hurt. I am so upset by the fact that neither one of you seems to give a crap whatsoever about the fact that the organization that you have dedicated your lives, money and souls to is in fact an organization that did irreparable damage to me in my formative years. For all I know, you both believe that I somehow “pulled it in” and “deserved” the flat out psychological, physical and emotional abuse that was inflicted on me by your organization’s members for 4 ½ years. However you have it justified in your minds – whatever line of bullshit has been fed to you by your DSA or OSA about the circumstances surrounding my experience in the Sea Org; is just that – BULLSHIT. Bottom line, I am one very mentally damaged individual due to the abuses I endured and witnessed others endure. I have come to discover throughout my life though that I was never first. I was always and will always be second to your cult. Same with Ben and Jamie. As a parent myself I am disgusted and appalled by your irresponsibility in caring for your children’s best interests. I am sure that you two will see ME as the wrongdoer because that is how you have programmed to think. I will come off as a “suppressive person” in your eyes because of what I am saying to you. Fine. So be it. Declare me. I don’t give a shit about labels. You do need to know how unethical you two are behaving with your lives and your life decisions. You have screwed me over time and again. Parentally, financially and emotionally. You owe me and my husband over 8 thousand dollars. Ever plan on paying us back? You forget that you wouldn’t have ever owned Aztec were it not for Damon’s credit. Dad, thanks for hiring Damon and promising him partnership and such and then hanging him out to dry about 8 months later with no forewarning. Oh and thanks for promising to file taxes with him as your employee so that we would be able to re-finance our house in 2 years (remember you were the one who guided us into the variable rate loan). We now have to sell our house by December or foreclose. Nice to know we have a strong potential of being homeless right in time for Christmas. While I am on the topic – I did you guys a favor by never calling PNM and having them just shut your fucking power off. I should have though. Boy will I pay for that nicety now. You kept it in my name for 2 ½ years after I moved out. Contrary to my continual requests. And now? Well now it’s in collections for $665 – scheduled to appear on my credit report in less than 2 weeks. Gee thanks so much for returning the favor.

Bottom line; I cannot trust you two. You have proven time and again that the actions you take and the decisions you make in your life will never have my best interests at heart. Love is more than just a word. It needs to be proven and shown time and again. You two have failed to do that. On the contrary, you have done quite the opposite and shown me with your actions that you do not love me.

Somehow, crazy as it may seem, I do still love the both of you very much. People who know me and know of my situation with the two of you think me a fool for even wanting any part of you guys in my life. Maybe I am crazy.

I need to walk away though. I need to have you two out of my life until you can prove to me that I matter to you; that my wellbeing is in your best interests. That I mean more and my brothers mean more to you than your fucking cult. That YOURSELVES mean more than your fucking cult. Prove to me that it matters to you that your group has destroyed many people and that one of those people is your own offspring. Prove to me that you honestly care about more than buying your way into the good graces of a false idol, megalomaniac who died over 20 years ago. When the time comes that you can admit that you were fooled by the most evil cult on the face of the earth and that you are sorry for not having listened to me so very long ago then we can see about mending our relationship and turning it into something beneficial and healthy all the way around.

Some day, you will see. Some day you will come to me for help. Some day you will chop off the tentacles of Scientology and see it with your own eyes. You will be proud of the fact that you raised me to think enough for myself that I was able to see through the bullshit and run for the hills. Until then I cannot be a part of the fantasy that you have chosen to immerse yourselves in.

I hope you enjoyed my bio. It’s very much edited and definitely incomplete but it sure was therapeutic to get it off my chest a bit. I shared it with the world and you know, the world seems to care. The last time I checked, my story had been read by over 10,000 people.

I do not support you in your belief system. I will no longer pretend to support you or Scientology. For me, it represents all that is evil in this world and I refuse to have any part of it in my life. I am sure that I have done plenty to warrant an SP declare – I relish the thought. It will be the final thing to sever my ties from the cult. Hallelujah!
Oh and when you pass this letter and bio along to OSA you be sure to let them know – I have nothing to hide, they will NOT destroy me and I am armed and if they try to take me down there will be a thousand to rise up and take my place. I am WELL connected in the realm of ex-scientologists and “critics” as well as within the ranks of Anonymous. I will not be silenced.

I will always love you.

Your Daughter

To all of you wonderful people,

Some of you say "this is why". Well it is in great part due to the support and love that I have gotten from all of you that has helped me find the strength and fortitude to get through this. So for me, I can honestly say "you are why".

I went over to my parents house yesterday. I had a long talk with my 23 year old brother. He is staff at an Org. He never knew any of what happened to me in the Sea Org. He did not even realize that I am NOT a Scientologist. So I shared with him my story. He accepted it with grace and kindness. Coming from my brother this was a shock for me. I told him that once mom and dad come home and I talk to them - they will probably never speak to me again. I told him I just needed him to hear my side. He told me that I am always going to be his sister and he will always love me. I told him I will always be there for him when he needs me.

My parents came home. They wrote me a check for the power bill. We began our discussion. I got cold feet about giving them the letter because I knew I was fraught with rage when I wrote it. I even told them I wrote them a nasty letter but didn't think I wanted them to read it. So I tried to express myself in words. 10 minutes in - my mother lost it and began screaming at me. So I screamed back. She stormed off and I threw my letter and the copy of my story that I printed out at her. I tried to get up and leave at that point but my dad begged me to stay and hear him out.

Dad and I talked at great length and shed many tears. Ultimately he justifed everything I tried to throw at him. He tried to deny the fact that there is ANYTHING wrong with David Miscavige. He tried to tell me that is was a few bad seeds that ruined things while I was in and it's different now and blah blah blah. We went in circles for awhile. He never got me. I had to finally tell him that I could not go on living my life with the constant reminder that he and my mom had chosen their cult over me and my best interests time and again. He asked if I knew what would happen know. I told him yes, I would be declared and they would be told to disconnect. I told him I was there to do it for them. He started screaming and crying and blaming everyone in Anonymous and the Freezone and all of my friends who have been declared over the years for breaking his family apart. I screamed back that they are not the ones to blame. Hubbard is the one to blame and he's the devil.

My dad told me to leave - he needed to be alone. My mother had long since left with my 2 brothers to go to the org.

I left sobbing. I hollered that I loved him more than he would ever know.

My heart ripped open. I am feeling pain like I have never felt before. I have a tattoo on my forearm which reads in German "What does not kill me makes me stronger". This will be the ultimate test of that statement for me.

I will get through this. It is the love and support that I get from you all that helps.

Thank you all. I love you.

Melanie

Hello my dear friends,

I have composed the letter that I will send to my parents at the end of the week once I feel I have enough messages from you all to send along with it. If you don't know what I am talking about click this link to see:Please take a minute! I need help...

So here goes...


Hello Mom and Dad,

You might be wondering why it is you have heard nothing from me since the blow up. The reason is, I am at a loss for what to do or say next. This is foreign territory for me. I miss you both and the boys terribly. I hope you realize how much I really love you.

After much pondering, I finally decided to follow my heart. What I am hoping to accomplish is to find a chink in your armor so to speak. I have not succeeded yet. I am hoping that this next venture may get through to you when previous attempts have not. I have gone into the forums where I posted my story and I have asked people to throw in their 2 cents. I am having a hard time articulating my thoughts and reasons that I so desperately want to see you leave this group. I do not want to deny you your own wins and gains simply because I have never had any of my own. I do want to deny you the entrapment that has bound you and kept you from having a truly enjoyable and fulfilling life.

How is it that you can be so intelligent but not see through the farce? I wonder. Perhaps it is because you are so immersed in it all you are never allowed the opportunity to take a step away and breathe. Perhaps it is because you have invested so much of your lives in it that it will be very hard to admit that you have been fooled. But you can do it. Many others before you have. Others who even made it to the top of the Grade Chart. Think of what they must have invested in it.

I implore you to poke around. Even crack open OEC Vol 0 and start to compare the policies in it to the reality of what goes on in your Org. Start with the fact that Mom is NOT EVEN QUALIFIED to hold her post. It was supposed to be TEMPORARY. How is 3 or more years “temporary”? Heck, what about the fact that I have displayed many signs of being a Suppressive Person, yet I have not been issued a Comm EV, Non-Enturb order or even a Declare? Doesn’t that somehow violate the ethics and justice policies which you are supposed to be bound to by LRH’s writings? Look around you, start with the small outpoints and work your way up to confronting the larger ones. This is what this is about. You are refusing to even look. You are refusing to even accept the possibility that I might be onto something here. Here’s another interesting bit of food for thought, how is it that all of the ex-SO members I know ask the same question – “How is it that every single event shows that worldwide the stats are going up but up at management’s level, they are always going down and people are always getting screamed at for being downstat and having downstat Orgs underneath them?”

What about the fact that you are constantly made out to be a criminal. You have to constantly write up your transgressions against others. You have to get sec-checked continually as you progress up the Bridge. You can work so hard and give so much and at any time some exec somewhere up above can arbitrarily decide that you are just not good enough to go on to the next OT level. What the fuck? Would you really let some stranger decide for you that you are not deserving of your spiritual freedom? Never mind the sheer cost of it all. Dad, how many people have you seen take out a second mortgage on their home or sell their business or stocks and bonds just to pay for the next intensive to get them perhaps 200 hours closer to “Clear”? How many cases have you seen that are “mishandled” or “spun in” because people are not applying the Tech in a correct fashion. What about the dynamics? Has your 1st Dynamic or 2nd Dynamic ever been truly allowed to come before the 3rd? I thought it was supposed to start with ONE. What about Hubbard’s 2D? How many wives did he have? Didn’t he die divorced? The man could not even practice what he preached. Why not?

You cannot tell me that you are happy with the fact that you have put in countless hours and money and blood, sweat and tears with nothing to show for it but a few certs and commendations. Well you could tell me that you’re happy – but I would not accept that for a second. I am trying to get you guys to see that there is something quite fundamentally WRONG with the life this cult has dictated you live. Granted, there are good things that you have done for others, there are good things that others have done for you. I am not trying to say that every Scientologist is horrible. I am trying to say that above the basic level of Volunteer Ministers and Second Chance and Narconon and Study Tech groups – shit is going on that is VERY BAD.

Mom, you of all people should understand where I am coming from. Did you own mother not turn the other way when your father molested you for all those years? Did you eventually become so hurt and angry by the way that he treated you that you finally had to cut him out of your life? Well, that’s kind of where I am coming from. You guys are pouring your lives into a very evil organization that has done such wrong to so many thousands of people, myself included. The saddest part is, you won’t look at it from my viewpoint. I have 2 problems, the first being that I want to see you and the boys out from under this giant that is squashing the life out of you, the second is that I am so very hurt and betrayed by the fact that you two are siding with this group who has never given you the love or support that I have. Mom, did anyone from the Org come to sleep with you every night while you were in the hospital? Or jeez, what about when Ben was in the hospital? Hey Dad, what about when you were in the hospital? Has anyone in the cult ever bought groceries or paid the rent when you were hard up? Has anyone in the cult ever tried to help you sort your business out properly and get it going so that you could actually profit instead of flounder? Maybe I am wrong – maybe the cult has helped you out far more than I ever have. Maybe I am delusional. I am being quite honest here though, this is the way that I see things.

Mom, I am sorry that I will not be attending Rick’s service. It has been extremely difficult for me this past month. I am in tears at least once a day. I cannot see you and behave in a manner befitting of such an occasion. I also really do not want to see Mickey. Bruce understands, I talked to him about it.

Dad, thanks for calling Damon and leaving a message trying to help us solve our mortgage problem. Don’t worry, we will work it out. We are in the process of wrapping up our remodel to put our house up for sale so that we can move to Indiana.

It really kind of feels like you guys are trying to establish some sort of handling for the flap that is ME though and I don’t really appreciate it. That may not be the case but it kind of reeks of “good roads, fair weather”. I want to be real with you and I want you to be real with me. If you are fed up with me trying to get you to see things from my perspective then just tell me to shut up and I will leave it alone and walk away. Don’t try to gloss things over again.

If you think that you might be prepared to look into what it is I am talking about, I want you to read the messages from all of the people which I have enclosed for you. I want you to peruse the internet and just start seeking out some answers. Some good websites for starters are: Enturbulation.org, Ex Scientologist Message Board - Powered by vBulletin, exscientologykids.com, Chuck Beatty: Internet Posts, Stop Scientology Abuses | You Found The Card , FACTnet : Cult, Cults, Abuse by Religions, Abuse Recovery Discussion & Resources, Peer-Support, Legal support, Scientology Disconnection - Personal stories, current practices, official policies, public relations, Scientology

Some sites obviously have to be taken with a grain of salt. But hey, someone also once said, “Don’t believe everything you read”. Why is that not an issue when it is something by Ron that is being read?

I know that I risk losing you guys forever and the thought of that makes me sicker than you could imagine. I need you in my life. I need to see you snap out of it long enough to try to see things from where I stand. I am begging you. Remember, you guys created me. Look at how strong willed and stubborn I am. Look at how passionate I am about what I believe. Where do you think I got that from? Look at what a loving person I am. I would never try to hurt you, I just feel like I need to burn you a little to get you to notice the fire raging before you.

Mom and Dad, I really hope you take notice before it’s too late.

I await the day that I get the phone call from you asking my help in getting you out of this trap. I will never ever stop loving you.

Love,

Melanie

Melanie, I can't speak for everyone on this board (which would be impossible anyway with 33,137 members who are all unique and think differently, which makes generalizing the mindset of this board a poor idea), but I can speak for myself and few others I've come to know and I can assure you that there is a tremendous outpouring of respect and appreciation for what you have done and are doing. You are an amazing woman.

You said it yourself, YOU ARE A SURVIVOR.

Your tatoo - "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." - is a quote from Friedrich Nietzsche who also said, "No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." You seem to be going through the painful process of regaining yourself, and you are doing a magnificent job of it. I'm sure there are hundreds of grateful people in the world reading your story on these message boards and silently thanking you for your courage.

I personally thank you for your courage and wish you a joyous and wonder-filled life here on the outside. Your family is in my prayers.

Love,
BF