My story from my Exit Therapy

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Wieber
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Post by Wieber » Wed Jul 11, 2007 10:20 pm

I’m jumping around now, so the narrative continuity is shot. Please, save yourself some mental calisthenics and refrain from constructing a time line.

There was a Spanish American fellow who had come in and done a basic course and who had been hanging around. I made friends with him. I’ll call him Juan. I don’t remember his real name. Turns out Juan was quite an accomplished artist. He had done interior design of commercial properties for a living and painted in his spare time. I hope he got out.

I took time out, as it were, from trying to sell people things, and decided to spend time with this fellow and just talk to him. He asked me questions about scientology and I very enthusiastically told him about the grade chart.

The grade chart is a large spread sheet type of thing that shows the various steps a person must make to get up the bridge. The bridge is the term applied to getting from ‘raw meat’ to ‘OT.’ There are two sides, the training side and the auditing side. I don’t want to go into it any more than that.

I showed him the various stages and the abilities gained parts and explained how everything worked and how the training side was better than the auditing side and how training raised your abilities and other lies I thought were true back then.

A few days later he came in with the money for all his training, which was about $5,000. Remember, back then you could buy a big house for $80,000. My registrar senior, Cedrick, had a talk with him before he handed over the money so Cedrick got half the commission from the sale. I had already made the sale but I guess Cedrick thought he had done half the work. Oh, well . . . Cedrick’s still in so the joke’s on him. I hope he gets out, too, but I doubt that he will.

Juan went on course. He was scheduled for evenings or something I guess. Juan was a true professional. He had showed me some of his portfolio from when he was a wog and it was truly impressive. However Juan was hirsute. Don’t bother looking it up. Hirsute means hairy. Juan was a hairy guy. He had long hair and a long beard. I never saw him without his shirt on but I will bet he was hairy all over. In addition to that none of his hairs could agree on what direction to grow in or whether to be straight, wavy, curly or what-have-you. I bring this up, because I think his hairy appearance made him ethics bait for the division one bully’s, uh, I mean ethics personnel.

I overheard some of these guys talking about Juan. They were unhappy that Juan wasn’t fitting in the way they thought he should be. Juan was also getting chits from the course supervisor. “What do we do about Juan?”

A few days later Juan was in the public area in dirty clothes with a mop and bucket. Juan normally wore an expensive suit with a tie. But on this day he was wearing dirty clothes and mopping the floor. Cedrick asked him, “What are you doing that for?”

Juan said, “Some guy from division one said I had to do this or leave. So I’m doing this.”

Two weeks out of the basic course and division one was demeaning Juan and he was taking it. Man, I am sorry we body routed him in and sold him those courses.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by Wieber » Fri Jul 13, 2007 5:44 am

There’s an interview that was done with Hubbard in England in the fifties. The story is that the journalist asked to interview Hubbard and Hubbard granted him the interview. However as the interview progresses it becomes evident that the one who produced it was old elron his self.

There’s a sequence in which as Hubbard answers a question he goes into a bit of a lecture mode. He stands up, walks over to a faux mantle piece that has a gnu hide nailed on it and does a fireside chat sort of thing. Then he goes back to his desk and the interview continues. All the while this went on I was thinking, ‘did elron kill that animal?’

I’ve seen this thing two or three times. There’s a DVD of it now that has been colourized and it is required viewing. Whenever I watched that film, I was fascinated at the way elron moved his mouth when he was talking. It seemed like he put a lot of effort into forming his mouth shapes. There’s something definitely strange about the way the guy talked.

While I was in I had this continuous withhold. There’s s scientology term. Let’s look that up in the dictionary and get the scientology association with the word exterminated. Withhold is a verb only. Definition 1: to refuse to do or give something until something else is done. Definition 2: to collect or deduct tax from a salary.

Ok, so I had this thing that I didn’t want to tell anyone and it’s funny it never got found out in auditing. This held up all the time. In scientology there are lots of pictures of elron to look at. The main visual thing you find is pictures of the guy. There’s a whole book of pictures of him. The pictures of him are from his entire life, from the time he was little until his death, but not including the two pictures ‘they’ don’t want you to see. From looking at his pictures this was a guy I didn’t really like. If I had met him at any time when he was younger I would not have sought him out as a friend. As a matter of fact I would have gone out of my way to not have any dealings with him.

That's where the narrative part of my exit therapy ends on page 79 of a 409 page piece. From there on I wrote about aspects of scientology that bothered me or that I needed to externalize. I would like to continue putting excerpts on this message board, but I am not sure whether to continue it in this section or start a new thread in the Opinions and Debates section.

Meantime, I will tell stories here as they occur to me. I have already done that to some extent.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by Wieber » Sun Jul 15, 2007 2:16 am

In the Opinions & Debates section I recently quoted a piece by Noel Coward called I've Been to a Marvelous Party, which I think is very entertaining. This was written to be performed out loud as a kind of monologue. I quoted that piece as an attempt to calm what I perceived to be troubled waters, but I don't think my action worked.

There is more to this. There is a story connected with that piece - not my story exactly and it does not have satisfying story structure and I don't know how it came out. Anyway here goes my attempt at telling it.

In college I took a theater class. Our teacher was a veteran stage actor. I looked him up on IMDB and found that he had many credits. Unfortunately he is no longer with us. He had a daughter who also had a career in the business mostly in live theater.

In an attempt to be friendly with our teacher I would bring up the subject of his daughter. My assumption was that he must have been proud of her and her achievements and so on and so forth. However, every time I would bring up the subject of this man's daughter he would just about collapse into a very sad catatonic state. I found this bewildering. I couldn't understand it and it completely baffled me, though I bet you see where this is going, don't you?

When I was in college I knew about scientology but I wasn't involved with it, didn't know much about it, didn't care about it, and didn't think about it.

Turns out the daughter was in scientology and had been in for some time. I found this out when I got in. Then when I got out I started thinking back on this and connecting some dots.

The daughter was 'in' scientology. The father, our drama/theater arts teacher, must have been caring about what was happening to her and therefore antagonistic to scientology and she had probably disconnected from him. I don't know if he had received a golden rod declaration or not but the way he responded to being asked about that relationship I think it is very likely that was the case.

She had a very good friend in the theater business, who I believe was gay. I can't say for sure but he had characteristics. He had taken I've Been to a Marvelous Party and made it a signature piece for himself and performed it frequently. I'm sad to say that actor has also passed on.

Whether the daughter ever got 'out' or whether she ever reconciled with her father before he died, I can't say because I don't know.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by opter » Sun Jul 15, 2007 4:54 am

Wieber

I also thought-and still think- that Ron moved his mouth in a strange way when he talked. :(

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Post by Wieber » Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:18 pm

The talk of the Philidelphia 'org's' new building has me simmering.

I was a public person at the local 'org.' There was and probably still is a push there to get a new really big building for an 'ideal org.'

To parody Python: "The two main buttons are 'birthday game' and 'ideal org."

"And 'make it go right."

"Three. The three main buttons are . . ."

There were sea organization personnel dropping in frequently to do things in connection with an 'ideal org.' The 'OT Committee' concentrated on this as well.

The 'OT Committee' is a mirror 'org' of public people who hold posts and have stats and who volunteer their time and work to help the 'org.' They also have an 'org board.' I steered clear of that group although I was approached continuously to join it.

In order to have an 'ideal org' a really big building is needed. This is so that the 'org' can be made to be 'Saint Hill Size.'

"Four. The four main buttons are 'birthday game,' 'ideal org,' 'make it go right' and 'Saint Hill Size.'" 'Saint Hill Size' reminds me of a Burger King slogan.

'Saint Hill Size' we were told could be accomplished with as few as sixty staff members.

The funding for the really big building was/is to come from the local 'parishioners.' There was one event that I went to. The admission was about $15 and it was held in a location away from the 'org' premises. Snacks were promised.

About twenty people showed up. There were some Doritos, a veggie platter and some pitchers of water for snacks. The door was locked. A number with a dollar sign was written on a large piece of paper on an easel and no one got to leave until that number was reached in pledges.

In the blank spots where no pledges were being said, a guy with maybe two teeth in his mouth at the front of the room read 'LRH' quotes from a book he had made.

Phone calls were made from that location to people outside and eventually the number was reached and we got to leave. This is also the format of 'IAS' events. They are not fun.

Events connected to the 'ideal org' and the purchase of the really big building in which to contain the 'ideal org' were held frequently, about every three weeks or so. Fund raising and pledging were major features of these events.

A number of the people in the 'OT Committee' received 'fund raising' 'hat' material, which they studied without paying a fee in the 'org' course room. They had a book, a check sheet and maybe some study tapes. They did drills and clay demos and all that stuff.

Then came my last event. This was an 'ideal org' recruiting event. I think there were aspects of this event that may have been unique to the local 'org' so as much as I would really like to relate them because I'm sure you would find them entertaining I will refrain from it. The kicker of this event was that all the public people there were told they would be joining staff soon and that this was necessary so that we could deliver scientology, 'Ron's tech' to the public.

A contract to set that up was distributed. I walked out rather than sign it. I haven't been back.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by tommygormanxenu » Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:54 am

Wieber keep up the great work k. Everyone keep speaking the true harms of scientology. Everyone should know what the evil cult of scientology is up too. Everyone after you read this post please post it in every soccer message board to let the world know scientology is pushing to get raw meat as the say.

David Beckham’s coming to America hype about joining the Los Angeles Galaxy soccer team at the Home Depot Center has reached a fever pitch — some say even topping the hype behind the Beatles first trip to America . But, just who is investigating how Tom Cruise, Katie Homes (his new neighbors and best buddies) as well as his wife Victoria Beckham (all long term Scientology members although Victoria has just started denying it) are acting behind the scenes to manipulate David for the expansion of their infamous UFO/satanic cult. More importantly, how does this relate to Scientology’s real target — your children on their local soccer field…

In a pattern not seen since Scientology sent Lisa Marie Presley out on the failed mission to marry Michael Jackson to get him and his young audience into Scientology, reports from former cult members now allege that there has been a continuous full-field press by Scientology’s top management, Tom Cruise, Katie Homes, other Scientology celebrities as well as possibly Victoria Beckham to get David into the cult. Then, surrounded by Tom Cruise and other cult celebrities like John Travolta, David can promote the cult to your kids. There also have been reports that David is already a Scientology member, but until Scientology is ready to “out him” for their new youth expansion program it is all being kept top secret.

What a PR nightmare for American Soccer! What a nightmare for any company having an endorsement contract with Beckham. What a stock price nightmare or profitability nightmare for the LA Galaxy and Home Depot if or when David Beckham finally comes out defending or promoting Scientology to your children on their soccer fields!

Do you think the Los Angeles Galaxy, Home Depot and Beckham’s other endorsement deals already have a contract clause that expressly forbids David from promoting, defending or acting in any public way to directly or indirectly associate his endorsement for the infamous Scientology cult while under contract? Someone should find out fast before it’s too late!

For more information about Scientology’s Celebrities see http://www.factnet.org/Scientology/celebrities.htm

For more information about Scientology’s UFO and Satanic nature see http://www.factnet.org/Scientology/dian ... igion.html

And, please save our kids from this cult by getting this posting to everyone you know!

IMHO

Lawrence Wollersheim

Factnet Director

www.factnet.org

Scientology is Evil to the core. SCIENTOLOGY PROTECTS RAPIST AND KILLS. Scientology ruins families and lives everyday. The only thing scientology can Clear is one bank account at a time

LRH was married 3 times which shows he could not stay with one wife.
L.Ron Hubbard was and evil man, crazy in the head schitzo, paranoid, psychopath, who was a psych drug taking, heavy drug using, wife beating alcoholic drunk, pathological liar, coward who let his 3rd wife go to prison for his crimes as he hid and ran away for the remaining years of his life from the FBI. L.Ron Hubbard died with psych drugs shot in his butt.
IMHO Tommy Gorman
This is my own opinion. I'd rather die speaking the truth about the harms of the cult of scientology than hide and be afraid.
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Post by Wieber » Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:32 pm

I'm going to try to relate some jumbled memories and I may have the chronological order out of whack on these things. One of the reasons for this is that I body routed for a long time. I didn't like it. When I look back at that time, well that's the point. I don't like to look back at that time.

There was a rumor. Ron has left 'the ship' and is in America. The ship was the Apollo, otherwise known as Flag.

One day I routed in this young man from Trinidad or Jamaica or one of those places. He told me the Apollo had frequently docked there and that the people on the ship had performed music and stuff. When I told my senior about it she was very cold and reprimanded me very severely. "Flag's location is SECRET!" In retrospect this woman was a very cold bitch. I now think of her as 'Lady MacBeth.' The visual image associated with this is a boa constrictor named Lady MacBeth in the biology department of a local university, but I am so sorry to demean the snake.

The rumor of Ron being on land caused quite a stir. We were all afraid of him. One day I was out body routing with another person. She said, "I hear he is traveling around in a green Winebago." We started watching the passing traffic for Winebagos.

There was a staff meeting at which one of the sea organization people dealt with the rumors. The following is in quotes but it is from memory so isn't exact. "Yes, Ron has left the ship. He came ashore and is traveling around. He is stopping in various locations and watching the activity in some of the orgs. He has approached and talked to book sellers and body routers on the street."

After that I was out in the street body routing and on the lookout for green Winebagos and dreading that one would pull over and L. Ron Hubbard would get out and talk to me. This never happened but I lived in fear of it. It seemed to me everyone in the 'org' also feared that Ron would actually show up.

I think what was actually happening was that he was negotiating the establishment of the flag land base that came about within the next two years or so. From what I have read I believe that the headquarters in Hemet and the happy valley place were also being set up about this time. If you are in disagreement with any of the chronological detail here, please, keep in mind that my sense of time and chronology of this period was completely screwed up.

Also in this time frame we had from one to three missions to the 'org' from the sea organization. These missions were to tell us about Ron. Two moderately attractive young women arrived and gushingly told us about how wonderful Ron was. Again quotes but not exact statements:

"Ron is licensed to operate any vessel of any time and size on any ocean." In the back of my mind my 'Devil's Advocate' or 'little SP,' if you will, was shouting in a very tiny voice. 'Oceans are international waters where no nation has jurisdiction. Who needs a license to operate a vessel in international waters?'

"Ron is a member of the National Geographic Society!" To really get the effect of that statement you need to imagine it being said by a fifteen year old blonde groupie who has just met her favorite rock star for the first time and he has just glanced sideways at her for a microsecond. Then they showed his National Geographic membership document. My little SP said, 'so what. You're a member of the National Geographic Society, too. Everyone who subscribes to the magazine is.'

This presentation went on for quite a while and many little facts about Ron were stated. Oh yes, all the keys to the cities that Ron had received came up. The other things that I remember was that Ron's condition was affluence of power, that he ate the very best food and that he surrounded himself with pleasant people.

Since then the biographical record of Ron's life has been honed by the so called church. If you are going to read the so called church's version of Ron's life I recommend you also read Barefaced Messiah.

One last thing: At some point we were herded into an event in which a recent recording of Ron was to be played. This was Ron's Journal or something like that. I don't know if the public were invited or if it was staff only. I can't remember. It was during the time of dreading Ron's appearance on the street near the 'org' in his green Winebago.

The only thing I remember about this film of Ron was the opening. Ron was sitting at his desk, wearing his vest over short sleeved shirt and writing with his quill pen. Then he looked up at the camera, registered a note of happy surprise, smiled and said, "Oh, Hi!" At that instant we knew big brother loved us.

One of the comments afterward was, "He really had affinity. You could feel the flow of it coming from him." Thank God I was never in Ron's presence, but from what I saw on that film I can see the disarming effect that he could have with people. I'm sure he was a master of the ultimate love bomb.
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Post by Wieber » Fri Jul 20, 2007 5:57 pm

There was a time I was away. I had burned out on staff. I had no money left and no sources from which to get any more money. I had been evicted from where I was living twice. I was suffering from extreme malnutrition and I was very much tired out.

Something happened that triggered a committee of evidence (com-ev.) I'm not going into all the details right now. I may do so later.

I find my memory of details from this time period to be lacking. There are events that happened that I remember but I don't have the parts that went just before and just after.

I had an interview with the division one (HCO - Hubbard Communications Office) secretary.

"I'm removing you from post. You will have a committee of evidence. I am assigning you a condition of confusion. You will probably be routed off staff."

I said that I wanted to stay and be on staff.

It was quite a relief to not have to go out and get people to come into the org. As I started doing my 'amends,' which in this case was assembling mailing packages for a central files mailing I took a very good look at my time on staff. I thought, 'I've had it with this horseshit!'

I formed a plan: I would plead guilty to everything to make sure I was routed off staff. I would do the conditions, pay the freeloader debt and get out of there. Then I would pay off my debts, build up some money and come back and go up the bridge as a public person. Not all plans are perfect.

There was a slight problem with this plan. What would happen when I was put on the cans and asked if there was a missed withhold?

So you will understand that statement, 'the cans' are the electrodes that one holds when one is being audited (or sec checked) with an emeter. Back in the day the preferred electrode was a used Campbell's Soup can. Now when someone refers to the electrodes as cans the technical people frown a lot. "They are not cans! They are electrodes!" A withhold is something you are not telling but withholding. A missed withhold is something you are not telling but that you think someone may know about. There's more to it but that should be enough to get you through this episode.

I went and read what I could find on missed withholds and came to the conclusion that if I didn't tell anyone my plan then there was no way that anyone could possibly know what it was and that therefore my withhold could not be missed. This worked. When I went into the requisite confessional and the auditor asked, "Is there a missed withhold?" I said, "No." My needle floated like a feather in a warm breeze on a sunny summer day.

For my committee of evidence, every record the 'org' had on me was culled and the book was thrown at me. The thing that triggered the committee of evidence was expanded into four charges. In addition to that there were about ten other charges for things going back to when I first walked into the 'org.' They were very thorough.

If you don't mind I am going to break off here as I am getting tired writing this. I am getting into more detail than I intended and I am also having a bit of an emotional reaction. I will pick up on this later.
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Post by truthseeker » Fri Jul 20, 2007 8:51 pm

we dont mind, come back to us when u can, we are still reading and are with you 100%

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Post by SchwimmelPuckel » Fri Jul 20, 2007 10:14 pm

Yes, do continue please! :D - This is intensely interesting!

I was sent in to be a member of a Comm-Ev in the GO.. It was nuts, because I was a newbie with no clue what this was about. I even had to study up on what a comm-ev was!

My memory fails me on what that was about. But I seem to recall that the guy accused had incurred a bill while he was on a mission. No ok for the purchase order or something. Was not a large amount of money either... I didn't see why this was important at all. When I asked some questions that 'revealed' that I thought the whole matter was insignificant, I got a stern look from one of the others... I think that was the AG EU, Susan Hasselberger... So I shut up...

I think the guy was declared. Not sure about that though.


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Post by Wieber » Fri Jul 20, 2007 11:34 pm

All I was originally going to post was that there was a time I was away from scientology and that later I went back and finally I got out and that there is a difference between being away and being out.

The committee for the committee of evidence consisted as I recall of three people. There was the committee leader, a younger man and a woman, who was a girl really. The younger man had been the subject of a committee of evidence about a year earlier and I was a member of his committee. That's another story and it is so blurry to me that I may not tell it.

I hesitate to use the word 'girl.' Members of the feminist movement hate being referred to by that word. While I was on the street for the cult I had a heated conversation with a group of militant feminists. 'Girl' is condescending and exploitative. 'Female' is derogatory and condescending. In frustration I finally asked, "So what do you want to be called?" After several rounds of exchange that involved much heated vitriol, they said I could use the word 'woman' or collectively, 'women.'

My committee had gone through every folder of every kind that the 'org' had on me. They culled through every chit and knowledge report and then interviewed staff members and 'org' executive. All of this stuff was distilled into charges against me, many of which I found surprising.

I was involved in three or four sessions of the committee of evidence. Again this is kind of blurry. I pleaded guilty to everything, even though I found some of it strange.

At the same time I was sent to the technical division to receive a confessional. At the time it was called a confessional. I believe it is now called a sec check, which is short for security check. After two sessions in the confessional the auditor said that I hadn't signed up for that intensive and that I had to go do that. So I signed to pay for the intensive if I left staff and effectively tripled my coming freeloader debt.

Finally the intensive ended. The auditor who was doing the confessional said to go sign up for another intensive. I didn't do that and nobody ever said anything more about it.

In the twelve and a half hours of answering questions that mostly start with "Have you ever," I think three minor things came up. One of these was something like, "Is there anything that L. Ron Hubbard said or wrote that you disagree with?" That may not be the exact wording. I said there was one thing. I disagreed that people perceived the world at 24 frames per second. That's the speed that motion pictures are filmed at and I personally think that people perceive the world in a very detailed continuum. "Well, go to Qual and have it word cleared."

Word clearing in Qual had become a service for which one is to pay. I didn't go to Qual for word clearing and that never came up either.

The confessional was either done prior to the committee's sessions or between the first and second session. When I went into the session after the confessional the committee leader had the PC folder that contained the confessional. He commented, "There's nothing here of any significance to add to the charges."

Then we went through the process. I do not recall facing any accusers although that is supposed to happen. One person who should have been involved was a sea organization member who was away from the 'org' getting his own committee of evidence.

I was found guilty on all counts except two. The committee decided I wasn't guilty even though I had plead that way. Then they informed me of the findings. I had already completed the requirements of the lower conditions and had worked my way up to the part of liability where you go around and get signatures from people saying you can be part of the group again. That part would not be permissible until I had paid off my freeloader debt as I was to be routed off staff.

None of the findings of the committee of evidence could be proceeded with until it was sent to Flag or some higher 'org' for review or whatever. Meantime I was not to be on post. The review took six months. I bided my time by working for one of the public scientologists doing menial tasks. That person paid almost as well as the 'org' did. When I left they owed me a lot of money that I have never seen.

Eventually the findings of the committee of evidence came back approved. I went and routed off staff. The finance person tallied up my freeloader debt, which turned out to be higher than I was expecting. I got money from my family for transportation and I went home.

Unfortunately that was not the end of my experience in or with scientology. Oh yes, and there is a difference between being away and being out.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by Wieber » Sun Jul 22, 2007 5:07 am

I was away for quite some time living among wogs. I was applying the tech and being as good a scientologist as I could be while I made my plans to go back and get on the bridge. I hid the fact that I was still 'in' very well from my family and others that I knew.

I paid off my freeloader debt and debts I had incurred borrowing money to buy auditing and other scientology things. After a while I went back.

If someone in my family had taken the time to read one of Steven Hassan's books or something like that and made careful observation of my behavior they may have spotted that I wasn't really out and they may have been able to take the opportunity of my being away and run an intervention on me or something. It would have saved me a lot of money, time, embarrassment and further brainwashing.

When my family member finally did get me 'out' they asked me, "Why did you go back?" That was a question I had been asked often, but until I was actually out I couldn't answer it. The answer is, "I wasn't out. I was away."

In addition to that until I was out I couldn't begin to recover from the damage and abuse suffered while I was in. I couldn't begin to heal.

Right now I'm off my narrative and preaching to you. You may know someone who was in and who is now away and you think they are out. That may not be the case. Some careful observation and questioning may help keep that person from going back and save everyone involved a lot of grief.

I'll get off my soap box and back to my story now.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
Doris Lessing

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Post by Wieber » Sun Jul 22, 2007 10:02 pm

I believe I'm repeating myself here. At the same time I think the quote will bear a great deal of repeating. Before I get to this excerpt from my writings I must say that right now I have no religion. I believe in God and that's it. I am wary of all the religious organizations out there - burned child wary of fire and all that.

I have a couple of observations.

Christianity is based on love and forgiveness. These are two concepts that I never found in all the writings of L. Ron Hubbard. As far as I know they do not exist in scientology.

There is affinity, but not love. There are amends, atonement, confession, amnesty and lower conditions but not forgiveness.

$cientology could use a good dose of the following:

1 Corinthians 13:1-13
If I speak in the tongues of men and angels,
but have not love,
I have become sounding brass or a tinkling symbol.
And if I have prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.
And if I dole out all my goods, and
if I deliver my body that I may boast
but have not love, nothing I am profited.
Love is long suffering,
love is kind,
it is not jealous,
love does not boast,
it is not inflated.
It is not discourteous,
it is not selfish,
it is not irritable,
it does not enumerate the evil.
It does not rejoice over the wrong, but rejoices in the truth

It covers all things,
it has faith for all things,
it hopes in all things,
it endures in all things.
Love never falls in ruins;
but whether prophecies, they will be abolished; or
tongues, they will cease; or
knowledge, it will be superseded.
For we know in part and we prophecy in part.
But when the perfect comes, the imperfect will be superseded.
When I was an infant,
I spoke as an infant,
I reckoned as an infant;
when I became [an adult],
I abolished the things of the infant.
For now we see through a mirror in an enigma, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know as also I was fully known.
But now remains
faith, hope, love,
these three;
but the greatest of these is love.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
Doris Lessing

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Post by Wieber » Sun Jul 22, 2007 10:25 pm

I'm going to paste some excerpts here. These are from a year or so ago and I have gone through considerable recovery since then, so, please, spare the pity.


Getting out was a very good thing. However, since I got out I have had some problems. I have gone through some mood swings. I find myself having bouts of extreme anger and hostility towards scientology and certain individuals in it.

I find myself thinking nasty thoughts about some of the people I knew. I remind myself that they are also victims. This doesn’t help with the frustration.

I also find getting what I need to get done difficult. I have a hard time getting to tasks that I want to do and need to do. I thought scientology was going to help with that, but it turns out scientology doesn’t help anyone with anything. If anyone has any gain or benefit from scientology it’s purely by accident.


I have this thing that I wish would go away. Maybe it will. It’s like this: every waking moment when my attention is free from anything else it goes onto scientology.

The dishes are done. The bills are paid. The cat is fed. The email is done. I think I’ll take a break and look out the window. Da-de-da . . . SCIENTOLOGY!!!!!!!!!

It’s probably most like that awful song that plays over and over and won’t stop. The only difference is that eventually that awful song does stop.

I got mail today from the sea org. They’re looking for recruits. There was no letter in the envelope, just a couple of brochures. I shredded them. But one of the questions on the survey caught my eye before it went into the cutters. It said “if the urgency and importance . . .” blah blah blah . . . “could be made real to you would you reconsider joining the sea org?”

The urgency and importance, if I read between the lines correctly, is that scientology is coming up short financially. It needs more money. The upper echelons are fine for now, but there have been some very expensive real estate purchases made and there has been no attempt to get out of paying the property taxes. This is probably from an effort to keep the secret bases out of the public eye.


My expanding exit library

I got two books in the mail today. I’m reading one of them now. It is perhaps the scariest thing I’ve read in a long time if not ever. It’s called The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, Ph.D. A sociopath is a person who does not have a conscience. From reading L. Ron Hubbard, Bare Faced Messiah, I got the impression that he was an individual who may have been a sociopath.

I have been doing research into this but I want to talk about the little library I have started to accumulate.

First I purchased Combatting Cult Mind Control and Releasing the Bonds by Steven Hassan. Those books were extremely helpful. I have also ordered Cults in our Midst by Margaret Singer, though it hasn’t arrived yet.

Today with The Sociopath Next Door I also received Without Conscience by Robert D. Hare, Ph.D. This is also about people who have no conscience.

I searched with the word, “sociopath” on the internet. I found reference to the books I have purchased. I also found pages that listed characteristics of those who are sociopaths. This stuff frightens me. But I need to know about it.

From my reading I have assailed myself with innumerable questions. Principal among them is, “am I a sociopath?” I don’t think I am and I sincerely hope that I am not. Other questions that arise are: “Does one have to be a sociopath in order to be successful in society today?” “Were either or both of my parents sociopaths?” I hope that by the time I have read more on this that I will have a better insight into what to look for in order to recognize this characteristic in others.

One thing that comes out of the reading on this is that Lafayette Ronald Hubbard seems to fit all the characteristics of a sociopath so far presented. The other thing that scares me somewhat is that the so called technology of the Church of Scientology International seems to be directed toward making practitioners of the technology into sociopaths. I wonder as I study this material, “are the upper levels, the operating thetan levels, of the Church of Scientology International, designed to create individuals who have erased their consciences?”

There are aspects of the material of the Church of Scientology International that lead me to believe that they are there to diminish the action of conscience in the practitioners of that technology. One of these aspects is the business of calling non-scientologists “wogs.” Scientologists are becoming or have become “homo-novis,” (new man) as opposed to homo-sapiens. Scientologists are preclears, clears, operating thetans, enlightened beings superior to all others who are humanoid. Critics are SPs, suppressive persons. Former members of the church are apostates, if not also declared suppressive persons.

A person in the Church of Scientology International considering himself or herself on a divine mission to save all of the spiritual world and preserve civilization for eternity and involved in all the other lofty goals of the Church of Scientology International would likely be able to do a great many things without a single pang of conscience.

Having a conscience puts one at effect. In essence being at effect is one of the conditions most scientologists would prefer to avoid or at least not to admit to. If a scientologist finds himself or herself at effect too often, their statistics will go down and they will find themselves working out of a lower condition. (At least that's what they believe.)

In actual fact, it appears to me, now that I’m out, just about everyone who is in scientology is always at effect. Each one of them is continuously subjected to the assorted vectors of the application of the technology from many external sources.

Here are some examples: registrars, course supervisors, seniors, Lafayette Ronald Hubbard’s writings and lectures, posters, brochures, musters, ethics, cleanliness, being upstat, statistics, entheta, reports, roll call, security, going past a misunderstood word, high crimes, misdemeanors, knowledge reports, committees of evidence, expulsion from the church, survival, and suppressive persons. It would seem to me that under the pressure of all that emotional and intellectual noise, one’s conscience would begin to be less and less heeded and less and less effective.

Finally, in the Church of Scientology International, does conscience get displaced by ethics? It would seem to me that an individual with a healthy operating conscience would not have to be so concerned about the observance of codes of conduct, morality, and other external guides to the conduct of interpersonal relationships.

One last thing I want to state. If I have to live in a world where the only way one can be successful and prosperous and make one’s way is to not have a conscience then I would not want to live. I would rather be dead than to live in such a world as that.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
Doris Lessing

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Post by Wieber » Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:44 am

For a while part of the daily routine was to take about a thousand 'free personality test' fliers and go hand them out. We went out on the main street and handed out the little pieces of paper. Since we always went by the same route at about the same time we probably handed the fliers to pretty much the same people.

One day I was quite a distance from the 'org.' I handed a ticket to a young man. I handed out so many of these it got so that the people I gave the stuff to became faceless and featureless to me. I handed a ticket to a young man and he came running after me. "Excuse me. Are you a scientologist?"

I was thinking, 'Here comes the attack.'

Then he started asking me about people at the 'org' and how they were doing. The people he was naming were all in the guardian's office. I had arm's length or further dealings with those people and really couldn't tell him much about how those people were doing.

Being curious I asked, "How is it you know those people?"

He had been in a psychiatric facility for some reason. The people he named had gotten him out of that facility and had taken him into their care for a while. He said they were looking after him pretty well and being very nice to him until they found out he was a homosexual. When they found that out they essentially expelled and evicted him and would have nothing further to do with him.

Over time it became apparent that he was actually antagonistic to scientology and not appreciative of having been taken from the facility that he had been in. He was more resentful to scientology rather than antagonistic.

From what I could see he was then a street person. I don't know if he had a place to live or some kind of government support or anything. He was on the street frequently at about the same location each time I saw him.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
Doris Lessing

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