A Life built on Lies because I could not face the past.

Share your personal experiences with others. We're not here to judge or criticise, but to share and support.

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tamasin-sp
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A Life built on Lies because I could not face the past.

Post by tamasin-sp » Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:37 am

I have already posted much of my story on ESMB.

I did not want to initially, I wanted to post on here. I did not want to admit to having been a Scientologist, because i FIRMLY BELIEVED i WASN'T ONE, ever. All I ever wanted to do was be with my Father. Not a lot to ask when your a ten year old child who adores her Dad.

A Dad who firmly believed in Scientology back in the mid 60s, a man who wanted to join the Sea Org when it first started and was turned down the first time he requested to join as he was so good at getting people tp sign up for courses. Made a lot of money for LRH. The man he trusted to help him and his family. Now this man,my Dad was no saint. I didn't realise it exactly at that time(I was too young)He was a womaniser, this i have learnt through the years. I don't like it but it is the way it is.

I do however believe he was sincere in his love of his 1st daughter, me, he;d already rescued me as a very young child and you do not go through that only to just a few years later abandon that same child to a cult that you have realised is nothing but a scam.Convinced that Black magic is involved,convinced that law enforcement was being paid off to allow "Fair Game" to run amok.

LRH was very clever and manipulative, his policies kept me quiet for 38 years, Thirty eight years, can you imagine that?All that time pretending I didn't have a chilhood, I didn't want to have had a childhood, it always came back to the same stuff - Scientology.

Constantly having to tell shore stories to hide the fact that I had been a part of Scientology, that I had kept quiet because I was always so afraid of L. Ron Hubbard and his organization called Scientology. The so called elite Sea Org who ran the sanest place on earth, what chance did a child of 12 years old stand when a grown adult couldn't stand up to them.I hadn't a hope in hell.

If you think blotting it out is a good idea,think again, it comes back to haunt you. Again and again.

I'm going to post my story on here as long as Andreas is happy with that with a few added and amended bits.

Some day I hope the family that i have that are still in, see this and know that there is life away from all this indoctrination in Scientology. LRH lied to us all. It was never the greatest good for the greatest number. It was always about making money and gaining power for LRH. Well LRH is dead, thank god.

What is David Miscavidges exscuse?

One could say he knows No better, but I doubt thats the case.One has to have a conscience and if you don't ,where are you left?

Feeding the lies that LRH perpetrated.

If Not YOU, WHO? Is a line thast someone else wrote but really got to me from the first time I read it.

Indeed - If Not YOU, WHO?
Look at our brokenness.
We know that in all Creation
Only the human family
Has strayed from the sacred way.

Teach us love,compassion,honour
That we may heal the earth
And heal each other.(part of an Ojibway prayer)

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Wieber
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Post by Wieber » Mon Mar 23, 2009 8:18 am

tamasin-sp, I hear you. Thanks for coming to this board and posting your story. I'm looking forward to reading it.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
Doris Lessing

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PTS
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Post by PTS » Mon Mar 23, 2009 12:40 pm

Welcome,
I look forward to hearing more.
All The Best,
PTS
Liber Et Audax

opter
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Post by opter » Tue Mar 24, 2009 5:41 am

Tamasin sp

You are most welcome here.

Looking forward to read your story.

Opter

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Benny's Friend
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Post by Benny's Friend » Tue Mar 24, 2009 5:21 pm

Tamasin, for those with friends and family still on the inside, it's not easy to speak out against Scientology. You have my sincere admiration for the strength and courage you have to pursue this. The second part of your saying, if not you, then who?, is, if not now, then when? In my opinion and for what it's worth, now is the time for people such as yourself to join together in a mighty roar that holds the church publicly accountable for ALL the damage it has inflicted on individuals and families. Write like the wind, Tamisin! Let your story be heard!
The more who speak out, the more who get out.

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tamasin-sp
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Post by tamasin-sp » Wed Mar 25, 2009 3:12 am

Thank you Wieber, PTS, Opter and Bennys friend for the warm welcome.


Tamasin, for those with friends and family still on the inside, it's not easy to speak out against Scientology. You have my sincere admiration for the strength and courage you have to pursue this. The second part of your saying, if not you, then who?, is, if not now, then when? In my opinion and for what it's worth, now is the time for people such as yourself to join together in a mighty roar that holds the church publicly accountable for ALL the damage it has inflicted on individuals and families. Write like the wind, Tamisin! Let your story be heard!


I only wish I had the strength and courage you think I have.You want the truth of the matter? Somedays I have NO strength or courage at all. Some days its as much as i can do to get myself to work and put on a happy face.The happy face isn't always as happy as it appears.

You'll know when my mind isn't in turmoil because that is when I find the strength to write.Right now, I have a lot on my mind.As and when I am able I will continue to write my story.
Look at our brokenness.
We know that in all Creation
Only the human family
Has strayed from the sacred way.

Teach us love,compassion,honour
That we may heal the earth
And heal each other.(part of an Ojibway prayer)

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Benny's Friend
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Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 7:11 pm
Location: AKA Resistance is Futile / AKA Patricia Curtis
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Post by Benny's Friend » Wed Mar 25, 2009 6:43 am

tamasin-sp wrote:You'll know when my mind isn't in turmoil because that is when I find the strength to write.Right now, I have a lot on my mind.As and when I am able I will continue to write my story.
I respect that. A million percent. Please pardon my occasional zeal lacking wisdom. I do know that people need to do things in their own time. I'm happy just knowing you've broken the ice. I'll behave now, I promise.
The more who speak out, the more who get out.

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Wieber
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Post by Wieber » Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:47 am

tamasin-sp wrote:I only wish I had the strength and courage you think I have.You want the truth of the matter? Somedays I have NO strength or courage at all. Some days its as much as i can do to get myself to work and put on a happy face.The happy face isn't always as happy as it appears.
Like I said, I hear you. You don't have to tell it all at once. You don't have to tell it in chronological order. You don't even have to tell it at all if that suits you.

For me I found it helpful to post things here. When you're ready, you will find many supportive people here to read what you post.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
Doris Lessing

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antiscn
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Post by antiscn » Wed Mar 25, 2009 10:48 am

Good stuff.Tamasin has been a huge asset to Brighton Anon's protests.
The fact that she doesn't need to wear a mask,has her own first-hand experience to tell and even a Sea Org uniform maker her ver accessible to the public,helping us all get our message across-that CoS is a dangerous cult which ruins people's lives.

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Dorothy
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Post by Dorothy » Sat Mar 28, 2009 7:15 pm

Welcome, tamasin. You're not an SP to me though.

I hope you don't mind me posting this link to your story on ESMB, in case anyone wants to read it now. Your story is so very important. Thanks for posting here. I wish you the very best.

tamasin's story:

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?t=1125

Note: You have to scroll through the entire thread to get all of it.
“The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil.”
― Hannah Arendt

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newclear
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Post by newclear » Sat Mar 28, 2009 9:13 pm

I read the whole thread. OMG I am speechless.
You're so screwed, so screwed, the Way to Slappiness is the way to flappiness.

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tamasin-sp
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Post by tamasin-sp » Sat Mar 28, 2009 9:15 pm

Thank you for the kind comments and support.

Thank you Dorothy for adding the link to ESMB.

I have been studying, reading and "doing Scientology" for a couple of years now.I never ever thought I would.For the second time in my life it has taken over my life in, all my spare time is taken up in reading about Scientology.

This is why, for a while I need to step back a bit.

Whilst writing on ESMB, I have cried like never before, months and months of it, on and off. Weeks of depression that comes and goes.

Apart from living the real life Scientology on the Apollo and after, this has been one giant rollercoaster ride, I don't do rollercoasters.They scare me.

I will continue soon.


A message for my Dad.

When you read this, and I know you will.I am sorry if it causes hurt and pain, I didn't want and don't want to hurt you, but it is as it is.

I do love you Daddy,and that is why I have written as I have.For all the good people that Scientology took advantage of and left their lives in ruins.
Look at our brokenness.
We know that in all Creation
Only the human family
Has strayed from the sacred way.

Teach us love,compassion,honour
That we may heal the earth
And heal each other.(part of an Ojibway prayer)

Gumbythetruth

Post by Gumbythetruth » Sun Mar 29, 2009 2:23 pm

Tamasin-sp. Thank you for your openness and honesty. Welcome aboard.

Have a GREAT day!

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tamasin-sp
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Location: All over the place

Post by tamasin-sp » Sat Apr 18, 2009 3:29 pm

I was going to post a video, from youtube called Scientology: Sept Anonymous LA Raid.Can't get it to come up.

The video has Tory and Mark Bunker on it. Includes footage of Mo, Peter Alexanders' son talking about being a child in Scientology.

Brought tears to my eyes.Seeing Mo Alexander talking about his education, and going to public school after Delphi.I so understand what he's talking about.

After the Sea Org, I was so behind at school. Considered a complete dunce.I then became a dunce. Couldn't learn, didn't want to learn. I don't know if I consciously realized it then, but looking back, I think I didn't want any kind of indoctrination of any kind.

I am not stupid,I have knowledge on many subjects, but when it comes to learning as in "going to school, college etc" I struggle every time.

A while ago I met an ex Narconon staff member.This person said "look at this" and proceeded to poke me in the arm and said "feel my finger, Thank you. He repeated this procedure several times, I asked him to stop,which he did.

This might sound silly to some, but instantly my hackles went up. Scared, instant paranoia,I felt sick, remembering a time when this was the norm.

Two days ago I watched part of a video with R.V. Young demonstrating some of the TRs.He was shouting at an ashtray to "sit sown in that chair".
I say part of the video because I could not watch it all.Again it scared me.
Imagine a room full of people doing that.Telling an ashtray to stand up,thanking the ashtray and then telling it to sit down and thanking it again.Again and again and again.Not quietly, not calmly but shouting.It scared the crap out of me at 9 years old and it still scares the crap out of me 42 years later.Such is the mind control "tech"niques of Scientology.

In both the above incidents I had a choice. I asked the ex Narconon person to stop, he did. I turned the video off because it upset me.When you're a child in Scientology you don't have that choice.When a child in Scientologys "elite" Sea Org, not only do you not have a choice,you have NO rights of any kind.That includes the right to speak to your own parents.
Make a fuss, disagree,at the very least you end up in Ethics,doing lower conditions.Make a bigger fuss,you're PTS,keep making a fuss and you're an SP.

And all for what, to get up a non existent bridge to total freedom.

The "bridge" for me will always be the one on the Apollo, where L. Ron Hubbard stood with a big smile on his face photographing and videoing his followers being thrown off the side of the ship.Committing their sins to the deep."Their sins"were wanting to live in a better world, a world without crime? Some of the biggest crimes committed, happened right there on that ship, away from the prying eyes of the world.

All in the name of "Total Freedom"?
Look at our brokenness.
We know that in all Creation
Only the human family
Has strayed from the sacred way.

Teach us love,compassion,honour
That we may heal the earth
And heal each other.(part of an Ojibway prayer)

User avatar
tamasin-sp
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue May 01, 2007 9:23 pm
Location: All over the place

Post by tamasin-sp » Sat Apr 18, 2009 3:32 pm

Thank You for the welcome Gumbythetruth.
Look at our brokenness.
We know that in all Creation
Only the human family
Has strayed from the sacred way.

Teach us love,compassion,honour
That we may heal the earth
And heal each other.(part of an Ojibway prayer)

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