I saw Vanella over the years, had a soft spot
In Int Training Org when it was back at the
Flag Land Base, and being shut down in late
1982, since LRH sent an advice to ED Int that
ED Int needed to have a training setup nearby
Exec Strata to make execs for the churches,
ITO at the FLB, which was a bombshelled
disaster after the 1981-82 OEC/FEBC evolution,
ITO was tanked (disbanded). Me and my best
friend Chuck McDougal, were the sole remaining
OEC FEBC personnel, and we had few straggling
last OEC FEBC students. Me and Chuck shipped
what was left of the OEC FEBC course to LA,
and Vanella was D/ED Int Internal, and was
in telex comm with me on the disbanding of
the OEC FEBC course.
She was a thoughtful exec, maybe a bit of a
sidekick/spouse to ED Int, but I got on fine
with her, as I did with most everyone in my
27 years in the Sea Org.
Then, when I was finally finally busted for
my last time, my fatal final 7 years in the
Sea Org, I went to the Int RPF, in Jul 96, and
Vanella was on the Int RPF.
She altogether must have been on the RPF for
about 7-8 years.
She had a rough go on the Int RPF, prima
dona in her unique Italian/Euro way. Her
dad was or still is a bigtime lawyer and
her dad and Frank Frau's dad used to be
buddies, Frank's dad, now dead, was a judge
in Breschia. Frank's family is from
Sardinia and they moved to Breschia on the
mainland, and met the Secchi family there,
Frank and Vanella have known each other
since before they were in Scientology.
Vanella I think went through her divorce
to ED Int while she was on the Int RPF,
and at the very very very end, when I
left the Int RPF, she was having a rough
time, wanting to leave, hating the control
and losing control emotionally, yelling
at people at times who told her to do
things she did not want to do.
The accumulated bureaucratic "agreed upon"
self-enforced mental coercion and pressure
people in the Sea Org agree to and self-
inflict on themselves and others, is
really what I hated most about my whole
27 years in Scientology. The agreements
leading up to moments when you just cannot
agree any longer, and feeling trapped, I
so wish people coming out to describe
their experiences exhaustively, and
accurately, that is what needs to be told.
Vanella had her serious share of moments
when she did NOT agree with the rules, and
she fought back in a variety of ways.
I highly respected her for this, inside,
in my mind.
When people in the Sea Org act "badly" or
"protest" or fight against the rules, I
secretly always loved to see the blowups
of people finally getting pissed off at all
the goddman dumb little rules which a
fellow Sea Org member would unwittingly
try to enforce on the protesting Sea Org
member, and there would be these comical
blowups, and not so comical blowups.
The goddamn smothering accumulation of
petty rules, that just smother human
desire to be free of all those damn rules
and agreements sometimes.
The RPF is a layered in deep recessed cavern
and just simiply walking out is such not
an option mentally to all the agreements one
has been led to agree to over the years of
being a "dedicated" Sea Org member.
Anyways, Vanella, I totally sympathized with
her, while other Int RPFers just sort of
tolerated her eccentric outbursts.
Frank many times was her ally. Maj Wheelis
my later twin when I later went to the PAC
RPF, Maj on the Int RPF spent some time
helping calm and stay with Vanella during
those moments on the Int RPF when she simply
refused to follow any of the damn rules
As a sidenote, anyone wishing to phone me,
and further discuss ANY aspect of ANYTHING
I can tell you about my Sea Org experience,
give yourself 30 minutes to an hour and call
me on the weekends, any weekend, and I will
tell anyone anything. Talking about this
most frustrating of experience, which I
watched others like Vanella go through,
and which I myself predicted myself later
going through, and I did later have to go
through the whole protest phase, it is
When you want to just get the hell out,
and just break down the rules, in the
midst of those you are there on the RPF
with, your longtime friends, who are just
standing by, doing their "duty" following
the rules you yourself even agreed to, but
in the spur of the moment desires to just
shuck all the rules off, the mental battle
to just get the hell out, it was frustrating
to say the least.
I was in the sort of "restricted to the
ranch" category of the Int RPF, not being
allowed to go into the "castle" which is
the great huge building where the Int RPFers
were doing their daily work duties.
People in "bad" shape, or for some reason
were not supposed to be seen at the Base,
stayed at the ranch all the time. I was
NEVER going to graduate and rise to Int
Base status, once my RPF was done, so that
is why I thought for base security reasons
I was never let go work at the sets and
props area. Also, I was so obsessed with
my future dreams of just unloading, and
writing about all my experiences like I
am now, eventually, that I felt it best I
not be allowed to go to the Int Base daily
with the other RPFers at the Happy Valley
ranch Int RPF, due to knowing I would
inevitably just record mentally all I saw
and write about it all someday, in complete
violation of the self-instilled rules
self-enforced due to L. Ron Hubbard's
extensively accumulated "security" mindset
that pervades ALL of the mindset at the
Int Base. It all traces back to Hubbard's
rules and policies, and people's bad
reactions to those constritive rules.
When some intelligent people write someday,
I would place Vanella in the category of
someone who I hope does write, to capture
the unique subtlties and frustrations of
how helpless one feels at trying to protest
She is an extremely intelligent woman, and
not doubt mumbles due to the ignorance of
those around her unable to grasp her thoughts
and rationale. That is completely my view.
While I never graduated to mumbling stage,
I have mentally played through endless
scenarios that all ended me up "losing" to
the boundries of L. Ron Hubbard's totalitarian
rules and group agreed upon interpretations
that others in decades past have recorded about
their RPF experiences which are amongst the
worst of the worst stories that come OUT of
the Scientology "prison/gulag" Rehabilitation
Project Forces that still exist, and still
put people through these frustrating
Vanella should be judged on her mind, and my
opinion is that those who failed to see her
intellect, are at their own personal loss.
What each of us accumulates which we consider
our lives, I am very interested in hearing
each person's views of their lives. I have
found people's life stories are not easily
I encourage all persons to write and express
their ideas and opinions.
I hope Vanella tells her tale. It would be
an excellent one. Then her good qualities
will be apparant.
She was so close to defecting so many times
that I think now, inevitably, she is going to
defect someday. I predict she will return to her upper middle class family, in Italy. Her daughters are in Italy I believe.
I hope she and Frank get the opportunity to
meet again, late in life, and do their story
with an intelligent Italian author. "Our
Lives in Scientology" or something. They
are old-timers relatively speaking in the
Italy field, and can tell the Italian
Chuck Beatty 412-260-1170
"Our bombastic lapidary style is good only for inflating dwarfs." Jean-Jacques Rousseau (from "Emile, or On Education")