Dear clear 7777,
I shut down my computer and was laying in bed (I'm so tired) but I was thinking that you may have Googled your way over to this POS thread. And that you may have no idea about OCMB (the message board and website here).
Here's a link to the site: http://www.xenu.net/
Here's a link to the Message Board (OCMB): http://ocmb.xenu.net/ocmb/
Here's a link to Your Story From Inside Scientology: viewforum.php?f=3
(A part of the Message Board where you are going to get the most help)
Good luck, and good night, and don't give up.