What Would You Say to a Lurking Scientologist?

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Demented Founder
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Re: What Would You Say to a Lurking Scientologist?

Postby Demented Founder » Tue Feb 21, 2017 2:27 pm

"What is the most amazing thing that you discovered about your Scientology clients?" I said.

"Actually, two things, although I wouldn't call them amazing, they are rather pathetic. By praising Scientology you can sell almost anything to them. If you sign anything with the words "L. Ron Hubbard", they will think of it as being true without questioning it," said Bob.

"Did you use the signature "L. Ron Hubbard" to sell anything to them?" I said.

"Of course. I wanted to make them happy by selling them a new book about Dianetics loaded with the material not covered in the Bridge courses. I found about 50 HCOBs and Policy Letters not included in the Bridge courses. But that wasn't enough, so I got plenty of additional data from FreeZone and other squirrel websites, and put it into my book. Squirrel Tech, if you will. The book was a success, they didn't realize that much of the data was invalid. But you are not allowed to invalidate LRH," said Bob.
"Cuando el pene de Xenu es adentro de mi culo, estoy inmenso feliz. Eso es manera de que Saentologia funciona. Voy a chingar todos mis aprentizes"
L. Ron Hubbard, Mi Vida Secreta.

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Re: What Would You Say to a Lurking Scientologist?

Postby Demented Founder » Mon Feb 27, 2017 2:25 pm

"How different is Squirrel Tech from Hubbard's Dianetics?" I said

"Some, although not all, splinter Scientology groups discarded the rule "Do not judge your PC". Rather than throwing it away completely, I doctored 7 Policy Letters and 33 HCOBs saying that occasionally this rule should not be followed, especially when a PC is talking nonsense.
Hubbard wrote that Dianetcs auditing should stop after a PC reaches the level of Clear. But some splinter groups recommend the erasure of past lives engrams. I produced about 20 HCOBs recommending the past lives Dianetics auditing of a PC if he has money to pay for the service, " said Bob

"Actually, Jenna Miscavige wrote in her book that she received past lives auditing even though she was a Clear," I said

"Very interesting. It seems that this type of auditing may not be a Squirrel Tech after all," said Bob.

"When I was a Scientologist, I attended several Scientology seminars; at one of them the speaker said that there is nothing wrong with the past lives Dianetics auditing. He was a Class VIII auditor, you know, " I said.
"Cuando el pene de Xenu es adentro de mi culo, estoy inmenso feliz. Eso es manera de que Saentologia funciona. Voy a chingar todos mis aprentizes"
L. Ron Hubbard, Mi Vida Secreta.

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Re: What Would You Say to a Lurking Scientologist?

Postby Demented Founder » Mon Mar 06, 2017 2:29 pm

"Tell me more about the Squirrel Tech, I assume there is more than one," I said

"There is a half of dozen of them. The squirrels say that they have determined verbal content of many engrams. For example, the phrase "you're crazy" makes person go insane. I combined their engramic contents with the ones that I invented and got plenty of data for my book," said Bob

"What about of creation of perfect duplicates of the engrams?" I said

"That too. Hubbard's procedures of creation of perfect duplicates of objects are impossible to understand. The Squirrel Techs creators came up with their own procedures of production of prefect duplicates; I included their procedures into my book," said Bob

"How big is your book?" I said

"It has about 75,000 words," said Bob
"Cuando el pene de Xenu es adentro de mi culo, estoy inmenso feliz. Eso es manera de que Saentologia funciona. Voy a chingar todos mis aprentizes"
L. Ron Hubbard, Mi Vida Secreta.

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Re: What Would You Say to a Lurking Scientologist?

Postby Demented Founder » Mon Mar 13, 2017 1:28 pm

"Did you try to publish Hubbard's screenplay, Revolt in the Stars?" I said

"Yes. I found a right person, but he couldn't deliver a copy of the manuscript to me," said Bob

"How much did you offer him?" I said

"500 bucks. For a hungry Sea Org member this is huge money. However, for the same price he got me Excalibur," said Bob.

"Did you publish it?" I said

"No," said Bob

"Why?' I said

What do you know about the Excalibur?" said Bob

"It's Hubbard's version of the evolutionary theory and its social implications," I said

"Exactly. The book is extremely boring, Hubbard just paraphrased a school textbook on biology and added even more boring material based on two outdated social theories," said Bob

"The Scientologists would have bought the book from you," I said

"Yes, they would have. But the book would have disappointed them. You don't want to have a disappointed customer who won't buy the next item from you," said Bob

"Those marketing courses are really helpful, " I said

"You're damn right about that," said Bob
"Cuando el pene de Xenu es adentro de mi culo, estoy inmenso feliz. Eso es manera de que Saentologia funciona. Voy a chingar todos mis aprentizes"
L. Ron Hubbard, Mi Vida Secreta.

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Re: What Would You Say to a Lurking Scientologist?

Postby Demented Founder » Mon Mar 20, 2017 2:03 pm

"Do you know the story of Hubbard's book, Excalibur? I said

"The old fool tried to sell it to several mainstream publishers, but none of them expressed any interest in this shit," said Bob.

"Why did he invent the story of him being close to death and uncovering the secrets of the universe, and after that writing Excalibur? This is not a good marketing strategy, " I said

"This strategy wouldn't sit well with major publishing houses, and he didn't use it to get their attention. After series of rejections he tried to get so called non-traditional publishers' interest in his piece of shit. This is the sole reason for inventing this "near death" nonsense, " said Bob

"What kind of publishers are they?" I said

"They specialize in the UFO crap, stupid conspiracy theories, and so on. This kind of LRH marketing might have worked for them if the book were interesting. But it was so damn boring that they saw no value in it, " said Bob
"Cuando el pene de Xenu es adentro de mi culo, estoy inmenso feliz. Eso es manera de que Saentologia funciona. Voy a chingar todos mis aprentizes"
L. Ron Hubbard, Mi Vida Secreta.

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Wieber
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Re: What Would You Say to a Lurking Scientologist?

Postby Wieber » Mon Mar 20, 2017 10:21 pm

From what I have read of Excalibur, written by Hubbard, it should be in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's most anticlimactic conclusion.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
Doris Lessing

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