You know, I don't know if being at Delphi was the best thing for me. It may have left some scars. I don't know.
The thing is, I was very lonely at Delphi, I really didn't connect closely with anybody there. Not only that, it was stressful because their expectations were SO HIGH and you always had to work very hard and industriously! I used to have to read on average TWO BOOKS A WEEK! And I got into this habit of falsely attesting to having read books, because I'd have to read a certain amount of books a week! (Well, I wasn't the only one who falsely attested to reading books, that's for sure).
And I always felt bad about this. I introverted, thinking, "Is it because I'm going past misunderstood words?" And I'd always try a Method 3, but it just NEVER worked. I even confessed this to Qual, I'd get crammed on this, and this would just take so much time that I had to say, "Yes, I feel that this works," in order to move on.
And every now and then, I'd go down to Ethics and I'd write up my O/W's. And every time I'd do the Conditions Formula, I'd eventually just slump back into my old bad habits.
I was very lonely and depressed at Delphi, and I really wanted to graduate from there. I didn't really connect with any of the other students there, and I always felt so bad about myself that all the other students seemed to be doing fine in their studies and I wasn't. For two years, my life was like this.
Well, anyway, what I ended up doing, my aunt and I went down to LA, and we found a Scientology school called Advanced Education Academy, and the lady who ran it, Diane Keys, gave tests for students to receive their high school diploma. So, I passed her test and I received my high school diploma, but I finished up the rest of the school year at Delphi.
So, anyway, after Delphi, I ended up moving down to LA to live at the Manor Hotel and get services at ASHO. Life was good down there for awhile.
Anyway, then my declared SP grandmother (who I was disconnected from) started doing her squirrel OT VIII. When I found out about this, I reported it to OSA. Next thing you know, my aunt and I are having to pay for a sec check down at ASHO!! And this of course, costs thousands of dollars!
So then, anyway, later, I'm pulled off of my course and down into Ethics. The MAA tells me that I either have to disconnect from my mother or get her to disconnect from my grandmother.
So, because I'm down in LA, and my aunt is paying for me to live at the Manor so I can do my services, but since I can't go back home because I'm taking acting classes, I end up having to disconnect from my mother so I can get back on my services.
I stayed disconnected from my mother for a year and a half! I'm still mad at the Church over that.
Anyway, I ended up moving back to Seattle after living in LA for a year because the Manor wasn't letting me live there anymore because they were concerned that I was a suicide risk because Delphi had, four years ago, expelled me for writing up in my O/W's my suicidal thoughts. They said that once I finished my PTS/SP course, then maybe I could stay there again. But, the Manor wouldn't even give my aunt a refund on the money that she had paid for me to live there because, "Once Rory finishes his PTS/SP course, he'll be able to stay here again!"
Anyway, then around September of 2000, Tory Bezazian called me up and talked to me. She planted some more seeds of doubt in my mind.
Finally, in early December of 2000, one night, I just got really depressed. I just felt like I had totally fucked my life up, I was disconnected from my mother, none of my relatives were supportive of me being in Scientology, I hadn't graduated from Delphi, I had dropped out of community college, I was lonely, didn't have any friends, etc. So, I made a suicide attempt by overdosing on aspirin.
After that, I was told be the EO at the Seattle Org that I couldn't be on services anymore until I showed that I was a stable person.
Long story short, I ended up reconnecting with my mother after my aunt got declared PTS Type A by ASHO because she refused to disconnect from all her relatives who wouldn't disconnect from my grandmother.
My aunt recently got her PTS declare cancelled, and now she's back on her services.
As for me, I feel like I'm having trouble moving forward in life. I'm still living at home with my family, haven't learned to be financially self-sufficient yet, but I'm trying to sell real estate. The truth is, I just feel like I'm messed up and I'm so unconfident, maybe it really is my reactive mind, I don't know. My aunt is trying to convince me that auditing can help me.