Hang in there with me...I know this is dragging out, but it needs to all come out...each horrible piece.

Part 5--Health Problems on Staff

Half way through my five year contract, a health problem from my childhood came back. I had been fighting a battle with eyesight for quite a while. Now, I was losing vision again. The doctor wanted to operate, again. But, there was a problem, I was pregnant again.

Sam was regged to send me to Flag. He told me years later that he was told Flag could save my eyesight; something regs are never supposed to say. You know, plausible deniability?

So, once again, I was sent away from home, leaving Sam to keep his business above water and take care of two children. I was at Flag with the normal lineup--PTS/SP course, review program, FPRD...My family was aghast. How could I leave my husband and children for so long? During my stay there were several big flaps...one with my father and one with Sam. These flaps prolonged my stay.

I returned to the org, but kept losing eyesight. I had decided to walk away from the medical profession...I was tired of trying to prevent the blindness--I had been fighting it since I was a toddler.

Sam was angry, he had been promised a helped wife. He had put his business in jeopardy to help me and it hadn't worked. I kep telling him that Scn didn't cure anyone physically, just spiritually, but he was more pissed than ever.

We were heavily in debt and although Sam had had his FPRD in Finance done, out of desparation, he was doing very "creative," unusual things with

Remember his partner? Well, it turned out that his partner had signed over the "partnership" which Sam had not dissolved to another party, who sued Sam for her share of the profits. Sam was so overwhelmed that he just did nothing about it

Our first nightnare was looming in the not too distant future....
(TBC)
}}}

Part 6-The End of Staff
My post was now in jeopardy and I had already decided not to renew my contract.
Scn has no fondness for people with disabilities. I rapidly learned Braille; I transcribed all the programs I needed into Braille.

I was written up for copyright violations for this transcribing, too. Training was now impossible for me, so we continued my FPRD. My eyesight did not improve (Gee, I wonder why?)

I asked for assistance to be replaced on my post and transfer to one that I thought I could do. The ED said she had other more pressing posts to fill. Gee, I thought mine was a vital post, guess she didn't really want the org to survive.

The last straw came from a visit from the CO CLO. I guess he didn't like something he saw, because I suddenly found myself Urgent Directed off post pending a Board of Investigation. (This was an off-line order)

I, quite honestly, told the BOI, that I felt that I was no longer qualified to hold the post and I requested a Comm Ev. Then I was transferred to Call-In.

That I could do and the public knew me and they came in.

An FCB mission arrived in the org. The Tech Stats were down, so during an investigation as to why, they decided that this very PTS person (me) had been transferred into Tech. So they got rid of me.

Now, there is a policy letter called HCOPL Out Ethics Orgs. (verbal tech here) It says that when you find an org with no HCO, no LRH Comm and no Treasury, you have an out-ethics org. Well, the org had all three of these points Did that mission look at this? No way.


BUT, there was no way in hell I was going back on my old post, so I let the mission send me out of the org.

Sam had run his business into the ground with several impulsive and bad investments; our own finances were in disarray because I had handed them all over to Sam in a marital dispute; I was summarily dismissed pending Comm Ev and what looked like possible declare.

Sam was actually delighted. He thought it was about time. He didn't think very much of what Ihad made while on staff nor of the benefits he received (like auditing at half-price). He was glad I was home. But not all was rosey in our lives.

Sam was going to file bankruptcy. When I finally got a good look at where we stood financially, it was like trying to stop a freight train. Our house was up for foreclosure, we owed back taxes, and that so-called partner had ripped us off to the toon of $60,000. Not to mention a geat number of other debts.


Since bankruptcy is a legal flap, we had to report it to OSA. During that trip into the org, a friend from Tech handed me a box of all my personal belongings. I really got the point that they did not want me back!

We filed bankruptcy--or Sam did. All money was placed in my name to keep it safe from creditors. Some of the creditors who lost in that action had lent us money for Scn. We sold our house, but all the proceeds went to pay creditors.

I waited for my Comm Ev. And waited. And waited.

Finally I was told it had been cancelled because it was stale-dated (no kidding) and I was to report to the org or be a "free loader" again.

Well, I wasn't going that route again, so I went in with all our finances and pointed out that because I couldn't see and we still had outrageous debts, I was no longer qualified to be on staff and I wanted to route off. I forced HCO to put me on a routing form. The HAS at the time was a 17 year old boy who I had had in front of me several times as an ethics case.

I did the routing form, not on the org that had dismissed me, but on the other org. My old org wasn't talking to me...no comm, not one word. When they called the house they talked to Sam--not me. I often wondered if I had really been declared and not told about it -- or if they were so guilty at their off-policy handling of my cycle that they couldn't confront me.

This time the was no policy prorating a free loader debt...but, with the help of a friend in Treasury, I petitioned the Exec Council--I had finished most of my contract...in fact, if you went entirely by dates, I was 3 months over my contract...and the free loader debt was waived. I have it in writing.

By now, I had learned to keep copies of everything...amnesties, invoices, memos...because without them you could and did get screwed.

I was now officially out!

Sam and I packed up our belongings and our kids and moved....far, far away to recover and lick our wounds.
But we didn't move far enough!

The chains were loosening, but they weren't broken yet...and disaster waited just around the corner.


(TBC)
}

Kate my dear, we are waiting....

Yes, yes, Ladybird and I may have to find some other way to deal with all the dramatic tension building up on this thread!

Yeah, me too.....This is certainly a cliff hanger.
I can think of a million questions....but I'll wait for the conclusion.

You really should, if possible, tell your story in the real world. Tom Cruise is all over Planet Earth right now touting the "help" he and his "religion" want to (and can) give to the world.

Tigger

Tigger, I hope you meant "can't"?

Kate, don't worry, your secrets are safe. OSA would have to go through thousands of cases of financial irregularities, squirrel justice cycles, blown staff, broken families, etc, etc in order to begin to even try to figure out who finally got pissed off enough to post this week.

Since half of OSA seems to be on the RPF currently, and INT seems to be closing down, I really doubt that you or I are in much danger.

Your story is important, please tell us more.

I did do A to E, and had cash in hand to pay my "freeloader" debt, and my "Bridge". I agreed to route back in through the RPF. Scientology wanted nothing to do with me. I guess I am just too offensive. (To quote Pit Bull).

Thank God for Operation Clambake, Lermanet, ARS, IRC, Factnet, and tons of others who made the truth available on the Internet. Every story is important, you never know who is reading and how you are helping them.

I'm sorry guys. I'm not trying to do this just to get attention. As I write this...I find that I become confused and leave out important details. Dividing it into parts like this has help sort it out.

That's what Scn does to you...it mixes you up...it's like a tangle skein of yarn..no beginning and no end, just a lot of knots.

Part 7--A Brief Interlude..the Penultimate Chapter.

We had moved...we changed our phone and left no forwarding number. It was now an unlisted number. For a while the mail stopped, but it started up again.

I'm not sure how the org found us, but they did. The Call-in terminals usually called for Sam. As I said, no one wanted to talk to me. I think Sam decided he wanted to go to an event and that was how it started again. I think this was after the 1993 IRS decision...

My eldest son didn't want to attend the event but, I told him that when he was 14 he didn't have to if he didn't want to. He went to that one event, but never went back.

Our younger son did the Purif one summer. That was a fiasco and a half. I ran into that infamous missionaire (one of the ones that summarily dismissed me all those years before. His name I think was Fred Schwarz--Louis Schwarz's little brother)

Jason blew the purif completely...not physically, because he spent six weeks on it, but he tossed his vits down the toilet, cheated on the sauna...and talked the examiner into believing that he was really done. Then he smoked a joint on his way home to us. This was when I started to believe the personnel at the org were really incompetent.

We had learned to say "No." We couldn't be talked into going down to the org that easily any more. We had come to believe there needed to be a balance--not this all or nothing.

AsHO called one day. Ken Shapiro got me. I decided, "What the H***" and agreed to go down to the org to see him. The long and short of it was that I bought some intensives at ASHO and spent some time out there.

Sam and I were not doing well as a couple. The boys were growing up and Sam and I had drifted apart. I was having a lot of trouble with one of the boys and thought it was all my fault, so I thought Scn could help.

Well, this was after GAT and it was like going to sleep for 100 years and waking up. Everything was so different.

It seemed to take longer to actually F/N...We started over on my 2D FPRD list. Well, O.K., that was what I was there for, right?

I did notice there had been no PTS interview nor an A-J check when I routed in. I remember thinking that was strange, but since I didn't want the hassle that would cause I said nothing.


My two weeks turned into six. I had my daughter with me. Samantha hates all organized religion and Scn was no exception. She refused any and She was so bored. On top of this she has epilepsy and was taking Tegratal--a drug also used as a psych drug. I was made to feel as though I was a suppressive for giving my daughter anti-seizure medication.

Also, while I was there, I talked with a reg at AOLA about my OT levels. There had been a blind person do their OT levels and the regs at ASHO thought there might be a way I could do it. That was when I was told that I might never get my OT levels this lifetime. I was also told by Dylan Code that it was not going to be a priority for Gold to come up with a meter a blind person could use.
I can't say the FPRD did anything for my marriage. While I was out there, Sam's issues with money reared their ugly heads. He maxed out a card that I needed to live on out there, then he missed some vital payments on other bills. At one point he told me he thought he was "clinically depressed" and was taking St. John's Wort for it. He put pressure on me to come home. I went home at a flat point...school was starting and some one needed to see Samantha's teachers. It was our, Sam's and mine, 20th anniversary.

Although, now I think the time spent at ASHO and AOLA were a waste of time and mony, I went home believing that Sam would benefit from moving up the Bridge. To this end, I arranged to have his folders sent out there and to get a TE done. Then I systematically flowed money out there over a three year period to get him there. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of the end.

(TBC)

P.S. Bear with me. This last part is going to be very hard to write. I've thought about little else for the last two days. I need to be able to con}vey it correctly.

Thank You Kate. I am crying...and you are not alone.

Hi guys--well, there is only a little more to say...but, there is a lot left out here. I found it hard to spill all the details. This is only the tip of a very nasty }iceberg.


Part 8- The Final chapter

One of the things I had wanted to do when I came back from LA was to help Sam. I wasn’t ready to give up on the marriage. I had been in love with him once, possibly still loved him; he had given me three fine children and we had spent over 20 years together. It was kind of hard to give up on all of that. So I tried to help.

I sent him to the local org…there he was told he had to take the PTS/SP course….that’s the way Scn handles anyone with mental problems…they label them Potential Trouble Sources. It’s a good label, because that is what they are, but it doesn’t help them.

Sam hated the course and he blew. He refused to go back. There was no one at the org Sam respected and no one that could get him to agree to take the course. I had come to the conclusion that maybe Sam was right and it wasn’t the course for him. So I concentrated harder on getting him to LA.

We finally got him out there. It was now much later than I had planned. Many things had happened that we didn’t know about…the most critical being the death of Lisa McPherson and the effects it caused.

Sam’s family history became an issue. Sam’s mother had worked for the CIA briefly when she had been younger –well over 40 years before. But, it might as well been present time. Sam was denied auditing because HCO and OSA considered him a security risk. Sam was devastated.

He called me from LA when he was told he would have to petition. He was angry. He felt betrayed. He had given Scn over 30 years; he had gone to Portland when he was asked; he had helped in Washington D.C. when asked; he had supported the IAS to the point of jeopardizing our family’s needs; and still, they said he was a risk. Scn demands a great deal of allegiance and gives none in return.

I was angry, too. I felt the same way I had when we blew staff almost 30 years before. If he had said we were walking away, I wouldn’t have argued.

His petition cycle was a joke from day one. The first petition was written without Sam being shown references and then it was lost by ASHO’s MAA. Sam thought he was new on post, very scared about doing the cycle with Sam and much younger than Sam.

The second petition was sent via our local org and OSA---it took months before it was acknowledged and then months to get an answer.

The letter came from the Snr C/S office around the holidays. It said before they could really decide if Sam could have auditing, Sam needed a PDH check. Sam took it like a punch to the gut. He was in shock. COS thought he had been PDH?

I believe that is when Sam lost it, although it would be weeks before it was apparent to even the most maive. Sam was probably clinically depressed long before this, but this put him over the edge.

One of my sons remembers an argument that woke him one morning. Sam and I were in the kitchen and I was screaming at him to at least think of me and the kids—didn’t we mean anything to him?. Sam had just handed me all the money in his wallet saying, “Here, you are going to need this more than Iwill.” I couldn’t even bring myself to say the word, let alone ask him what he meant…I knew.
I got him to promise not hurt himself that day and then went inside and called the org.

Sam went because he really wanted help…he was desparate for it. He did conditions and sounded better at one point until he reach Doubt. Then he stalled. This is called “Hang-up at Doubt” and is handled by PTS handling—which Sam couldn’t receive fully because the interview is an auditing action and he couldn’t be audited in an org.

But, I think he had finished his Doubt formula, he just didn’t have the guts to tell the MAA or me what he had decided.

In the end it took 127 days for sam to implement his final step of his Doubt formula. It was a waking nightmare. Sam was a corpse, walking around the house, but not really alive. He said once that he didn’t want to help me stack the firewood because there were “Martians out there.” I wasn’t sure he was joking. He was on a PAB 6 handling…his parents moved in to help me for a few weeks. I started looking for work…hard to do in a small town and disabled, but I looked anyway. The boys were gone—at school and only Samantha was at home. We kept an eye on Sam….

Sam tried to go back to work, but lasted only two weeks before being fired. I cashed in IRAs, CDs and other savings so we could continue to pay our bills and to give a semblance of normalcy, but nothing was normal and it wouldn’t be normal again for a very long time.

Approximately 127 days after that first visit to the org and doing Conditions, Samantha and I took a day off and went to the Spring Carnival outside of a nearby town. We were gone all day. When we came back the house was empty.

I thought Sam had left us…just walked away, abandoning us. I reported this to the police. Friends of ours and Samantha went looking for him. He found him six hours later.

Sam had hung himself in the barn behind our house.


The next week was a nightnare, as if, the preceding months hadn’t been enough of a mightmare. An VM was sent to help us—fly our ruds and support us during the funeral arrangements. My younger son was hysterical and high on dope during most of that week The other two children refused the VM’s assistance and shot daggers at any Scnist that came near them. We kept it out of the papers.

After the funeral, we were left alone. I was given an “ARCX” session which took the edge off for a while.

It took almost a year for all of us to recover }}from Sam’s death.
)Epilogue to follow)

FYI: "TE" = tech estimate, sort of like an "FES" (folder error summary). A full FES is necessary before a TE can be done, then the whole thing is given to your favorite Registrar so they can help you sell your house, max out your credit cards and cash in your kids college fund. And if you have already done all that, they will help you sell your business, rip off your parents or whatever other financial shenanigans are necessary to get you signed up by Thrusday at 2pm.

Basically these actions are done to decide where you are on the bridge, and give you an estimate of how much it will cost you to get from where you are now to OTVIII.

The person who actually pulls and reviews all your folders is probably someone like Katie Botha, an 80+ grandmother from South Africa who lost many of her family to SP declares. Or Daphne Farrow, the mother of Leslie Woodcraft who saw her own family ripped apart. These former tech people who didn't have the good sense to drop their bodies yet are working in the cold damp basement under Big Blue reviewing folders.

Often, the TE, FES or review of your folders is charged at the same rate as actual auditing. I guess it just depends on how much money you have on account and how close to Thusday at 2 it is.

I am so sorry these dear little old ladies are spending their retirement years separated from their loved ones, and slaving away for nothing in the fire hazard basement of Big Blue...I just can't begin to tell you how wrong this is...

Kate, I am so, so sorry. I do understand...as much as anyone can. I wish you a big huge hug from my heart to yours.

Kate, thank you for taking the time to tell us. This is indeed terrible and must have been quite a shock to you. I also have run afoul of their endless petition cycles and fully understand the broken agreements. You work your but off for years under one set of understandings. Making time and financial committments. Only to have someone up-lines, or some sea-org guy you've never met, initiate a cycle that was never an issue or handled multiple times already.

This is the most poignant example of the true criminal nature of this organization. The callous and heartless natures of the internal operations is demonstrated time and again with disastrous results.

They must be shut down once and for all.

Thanks for sharing your story Kate. It is so hard to read and realize that if Scientology had not been part of Sam's life, he might still have been with us.

Sarah

Part 9- Epilogue

It took over six months to put Sam's affairs aright. The boys were off living on their own, so it was just Samantha and me. I sold the house, auctioned off what we didn't need, found homes for all of the animals and moved into a small house closer to town.

It was a relief to be out of that house. Sam's ghost seemed to be hanging around. I understand that the new owners torn down the barn.

Before we left that house, though, ASHO called one more time. They want to give me a Christmas present...they wanted to sell me my complete tape library. In other words, they wanted me to use the money that was on account (Sam's money) to buy the tapes...all of it. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask for it back. After all, Sam was an ilegal pc and per policy it should have been refunds immediately. But, I caved in and agreed.

Later that Spring, I heard from the one person at the org who knew how to find me. He wanted me to come down to an event and learn how to be a Volunteer Minister.

Me: Why would I want to be a VM?
Org Person: To help people in your area?
Me: Oh, I see. Did you help me when Sam died? Did you ever come out here to see us? Have you ever been out here since Sam died?
Org Person:(Silence)
I hung up.

The final straw came half a year later in the form of an Email.
"My CS requires you to petition the Sr CS

(signed) Ouis Repetto P/MAA

I still have it and when I find myself waivering...I look at it.

After receiving that Email, Samantha and I packed up all the tapes and books and sent them back to various orgs with a ficticious return address.(Actually the address I used was a neighbor's who was a licensed psychiatrist.) The boxes were mailed from several different towns adn in different states. There would be no way to trace these boxes to me.

My father died and although I tried to convince my brother and sister that I was through with Scn, they did not believe me.

Two years down the road I met some one and re-married. Samantha is still living with me.

The older boys have both sought professional help and have put their experiences in Scn (even peripheral ones) aside and life is moving forward.

Before my marriage, I found OC. Thank God for Andreas and OC!! The final chain was broken when I read about LRH's real Navy career and realized we had been told a pack of lies. The brainwashing started to shatter. It has taken years to recover Notice the date registered on OC and how long it took me to speak out.

Now, my legal disclaimer--and to give OSA a headache--the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Any name associated with Scn is real as are the actions attributed to Scn orgs and Scn personnel. Sam's death is real.

As I recover I may feel courageous enough to state my real name. But, I am more than willing to tell my story, the one with real names and dates in any court of law.

The End}