deleted

Damn J (Swift) that was one hell of a solid post. And if there were such a thing as Annual Awards for the most Solid post (of, well, the year) I would nominate yours (here on the OCMB).


Dear Toney,

Having already expressed my personal offense at your seemingly unmatched plea for sympathy in light of the suffereing in this world (that makes your complaining pale) I will offer you some, well, solid advice.

To wit: Lighten up.

On yourself.

You have apparently forgotten how truly good and valuable to us all, that you are (and always have been).

For example, your post, has single handedly caused numerous individuals to consciously (and somberly) consider their own demise.

No small feat there.

Also, you may find some (great) relief in contemplating the theorys of some of the "more well established" older schools of esoteric thought. For example, the idea that "personal credit and personal blame" are manifestations of a misunderstanding of who you are, and why you came into being.

Can you add a hair to your head? Nay.

Thus don't give yourself too much credit for being an idiot. Or blame, as the case may be.

For example, the primary difference between monkeys and men is that monkeys don't fancy themselves to be worthy of credit or blame.

Whereas men (whom yet sleep) puff themselves up or knock themselves down. Not realizing they cannot add a hair to their head.

Imagining all the while, of course, they can. As if they can override their psychological/biological DNA.

Lol.

They can't. And neither can you.

As a practical matter try this, shut up (so to speak) your mind.

And try to distinguish the difference between your thoughts and who you are. That is to say, who is observing the thoughts. Be the witness.

Which doesn't take an intellectual genius to discern the difference between the two, by the way. But does require a certain mental DNA.

Lastly then, drink more Vodka.

Lots and lots and lots more Vodka.

And see if you can find some friends that will supply you with pinks and purples (and other colored pills).

While this may not actually help you reslove your problem, the problem will magically go away (all by itself).

What the hell, it worked for Hubbard.

Sincerely,
Herc

post removed.

Stop lying Toney. There are half dozen threads in the archives. You admitted to the lifestyle of a compulsive raging untreated alcoholic. It's all there for anyone to see. Obviously you are so pickeled you've forgotten .

Toney, many people with emotional illnesses "self medicate".
Yes, I think you used to be one of those people, but you crossed the line into the last stages of alcoholism long ago and you know it.

You Lie and manipulate, You are vicious and abusive for no reason even to those that tried to help. Now..a new moral low...racism. "Kike"-how nice Toney. I WILL remember that-even when you show up
snivelling and apologetic only to repeat your vicious/trolling posts under
names Jules/Toney/Jamail to name just three.

How many times did I reach out to you? I even published the addresses and phone numbers.
of local Alcoholics Anonymous locations in the UK several times.
You cursed at me. heh.

Your character, personality and morality dissintegrates with every passing month. I too hope that someone will learn and benefit from this thread. Good luck. There is always hope. Knowing that may be your salvation.

deleted

Uncle...

So it's your choice to kill yourself? Does that make you feel powerful to be able to choose whether to live or die?

How many people who have a terminal illness would love to be able to choose to live?

How many people overcome real problems and live happy, productive lives? People in wheelchairs, blind musicians, or that artist, who was paralyized by polio, who held her paint brush in her mouth, or that mother with no arms who used her feet to care for her baby? Or kids, who will die before they grow up, but don't sit around and whine about what a raw deal life handed them....they live every minute of the life they were dealt.

So you had a terrible childhood. Many kids do. Many overcome it. Many are killed by their parents.
Your mother left and your father beat you. That's terrible, but much worse things have happened to children.

What happened to your siblings? Do you care? Do you care how they or your girlfriend would feel if you pulled the plug? Do you care about anyone but yourself? Do you care about anything besides what happened in the past?

It's time you started counting your blessings and quit whining about the terrible things that have happened to you. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. At the moment, you're lucky...you can chose what to do with it.

Tigger

post removed.

He wants to kill himself.
We don't need to make him
wrong for wanting to die.

neil,
I am glad that you have found something in my post.

I will ask you to do something for me. There was a book written by a man who went back to see his favorate teacher years after graduation. His teacher was dying and once a week he would spend the day with his old teacher. They would talk about life and the upcoming death. I found it very interesting.
The books name is 'Tuesdays with Morrie' written by Mitch Albom.

I have not seen the movie that was made from the book so I dont know how true to the book it was. I have listened to the audiobook and that is very good also.

tori said something about finding the right music can help ones mindset.
This might sound weird but I find the albums by Pink Floyd very enjoyable. You the right age to have a very good familuarity with them already but I would suggest this order. The wall, The Final Cut and Momentary Lapse of Reason. Listening to the substory that runs thru all of those ablums make me feel better.

When you feel more able (haha) to answer us please tell me what the advantage is in killing yourself?

Atheist

This was Private Messaged to me today and posted with permission. This person I believe exemplifies many of the lurkers and the "quiet" people around here who do understand, unlike the minority of "empty vessels who make the most noise". And I'm not referring to J. Swift or other's I highlighted. That minority knows who they are.

Witness empathy:

Well, I was wondering if "PM"s could be posted. Guess you answered THAT question.

Thanks for feeding my righteous paranoia.

I have been considering writing a mini book in the manner of "The way to Happiness", called "Suicide, geting it right the first time."

Before any of you jump up or down my whatever, please consider that there are many places where the suicidal can recieve counseling, including 8oo numbers, their own shrinks, families, etc.

One Place where you will you not get any help is from the "church" of scientology. Per KSW they would rather have you dead than incapable, and per their "A to J" PTS types, they will only help the able. (out of the assets the able have0.

Toney, I am sorry life sucks sometimes, and I am really sorry scientology sucks up people with problems and leads them on until the money runs out.

But you can do alot to help others, be it playing basketball with the neighborhood kids, or voluntering in deepest africa or Iraq as a teacher or sports coach or medical assistant.

If you want to give it all up, or throw it all away why not give the best of what you have have left to those who have nothing? Maybe you will get lucky and die doing something really good.


Sell it all, give it all away, give everthing you have before you throw your life away.

When you have nothing left to give, you will be old and you will be dead anyway.

Nobody is getting out of here alive.

Ladybird

If anyone is clinicly depressed, that could be an indication that there is some chemical imbalance in
the brain and that a medication is needed to combat it. Studies have shown that like alcoholism, there can be an inherited predisposition to suicide, shyness, etc.

BUT..... one of the problems, which is glaringly apparent here is the focus on self.....the looking inward instead of outward. Focusing on every little adverse thing that ever happened in life.......i.e. counting the "bad times".

Private Message points out something else.....being afraid of making a social blunder....caring too much what other people think about him/her. This is also a "Focus on yourself".

As was suggested, listen to music.
That's one way of getting the focus off of yourself.

As a child and teenager, I was painfully shy. Why? Because I was focused on my mistakes and what other people thought about me. Some people need help, perhaps a pill, to overcome extreme shyness.
Others grow out of it and come to the conclusion "To hell with what other people think about me. If they don't like it, they can lump it. Some people live in both worlds...
where criticsm from certain people can devastate them while that from others doeesn't.

Focusing on your mistakes or how other people have (or have not) and/or may treat you only increases the problem. Threatening or attempting to commit suicde and/or completing the act,can also be a way to punish those who *YOU BELIEVE* have wronged you.

How do I know? I've been there, done that.

Tigger

Hi Toney,

I've known and thought about you for at least a couple of years now.

One of the things I have learned is that you can be a stubborn SOB when you want to be. I like that.

You make up your mind and stick to your guns. I like that.

You seem to like me - well there's no accounting for taste I suppose.

But do you know the one thing that I really admire most about you?

Even blind drunk you manage to post more eloquently, fluently, coherently, with less orthographical faux pas, than nearly all other poster I have ever known, and not just here or on FACTnet (and that includes myself).

Frankly I'm surprised, knowing your past as I do, from our infrequent conversations and E-Mails, that you've managed to make it this far.

I had read this thread but decided not to post here until now for the reason that I wanted to be invited to post here. Not as one of the masses, but as a friend who you like, from a friend whom I respect and as I stated above, admire.

Now you could top yourself and gain whatever piece of oblivion there is which is waiting for all of us eventually.

A lot of us would lose a lot however. And no, I am not talking about those who posted here on this thread; I'm talking about the "backchannel crowd" (as Umike likes to call it). They genuinely would feel a sense of loss.

I am not going to mention them here, because it is none of anyone's damn business who I talk to and what I talk to them about when I am not posting here. But you know who they are.

Not one of them has voiced anything to me, which would suggest anything other than, that they would feel a sense of loss at your departure (be it then, when you left OCMB before, or making a more permanent decision now).

The thing is, that we cannot, and would not, force ourselves upon you. In our minds we accept you as an equal, warts and all. The problem is that we were, and I am at present, afraid that you would misinterpret our words for condescending trinkets.

This is why I have always wanted you to initiate a willingness to have a conversation.

I've been a few steps along your path and although the words were there, I quite often garnered an undertone of "Sucks to be you", when some people have spoken to me when I was in the shit.

Above all else what really pissed me off was the sense of intrusion.

It's the difference between empathy and sympathy.

Empathy is being able to appreciate another person's feelings or problems.

Sympathy however is actually giving a shit, and thinking about how to respond appropriately - before just blindly intruding and making things worse.

If you ask me something then I reply, as opposed to talking at you and robbing you of space you need by imposing an artificial obligation on your part to respond.

It's a subtle difference but for me it marks the difference between respecting you as an individual human being as opposed to regarding you as a "Sucks to be you" conversation piece.

You know that I can lie perfectly, so you also know that when I say that I never have, nor will I ever, see you as the latter, you can take it to the bank.

And that is exactly what I am saying now.

I'll repost something now which I posted before. I don't really know most of the folks here now, so I do not know if I can guarantee that the post is as inclusive now as it was then.

I cannot ask you to stay and I would not want you to go. That is your choice and I would be a very poor friend indeed to rob you of it.

I would be more than happy though if you continued to ask, so that I could continue to reply. And let's face it; watching you rip Umike a new one would be a loss to the community at large.

The choice is yours, but my respect and admiration for you is mine, and it will remain with me irregardless.

deleted