Mr. Swift, I am very upset with you. I have visited your home many times to speak with you of G-d and you know only too well that I am a devout Jehovah's Witness. So why have you now lampooned
Awake!, the informative magazine of the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society? Do you mean to insult my honor and impugn G-d by LAG? (Laughing at G-d).
LAG will be judged.
Compounding your LAG, you insult me and my faith further with more LAG. You know that I am the President of
CCAACA -- Concerned Citizens Against Air Conditioning Abuse. As Jehovah's Witnesses we believe that air conditioning (AC) is the source of all evil and is the nefarious invention of Cooling, Heating, Industrial and Kelvin Engineers, or, as we call them: "Chikes"
The Chikes have a global plot to use AC to lure people into dark theaters, motel rooms, bars, bowling allies, pool halls, topless bars, discos, gambling houses, places of prostitution, and cults such as Scientology in order to destroy the moral fiber of this once great Christian world.
THE FACTS
AC is an evil that MUST be criminalized, stopped, and banned. CCAACA will not rest until all air conditiioning is destroyed. AC is not of God and is mentioned nowhere in the Bible. The evidence of what the Chikes have accomplished by use of AC is staggering:
* 100% of all convicted murderers used or were exposed to air conditioning prior to commiting their murders.
* 100% of all serial killers used or were exposed to air conditioning prior to commiting their murders.
* 99.9% of all drug addicts admit to having used air conditioning extensively, most even described how "drug trips" were better when they were in an air conditioned bedroom, hotel room, or some other warren of drug use. Drug addicts freely admit that they do not like to be "high on dope" outside and prefer to be indoors in, yes you guessed it: air conditioning.
STOP THE CHIKES
100% of all homosexuals admitted to using air conditioning. Air conditioning clearly causes homosexuality and yet the CHIKES have tricked the public into allowing them to place air conditioning into our schools and classrooms. This is shocking beyond words and proves that the CHIKES will stop at nothing to ruin humanity.
* 90% of all extramarital affairs take place in air conditioned rooms of some kind such as hotel rooms, mobile homes, or rooms in private homes. The other 10% of affairs take place in the front or back seat of air conditioned automobiles.
* The Nazis invented air conditioning.
* Hitler lived in an air conditioned subterranean bunker.
* Stalin had his summer dacha air conditioned.
AC ONLY MASKS THE SYMPTOMS OF HEAT
* Air conditioning only masks the symptoms of heat. Air conditioning does not cause heat to "disappear" as the Chikes claim.
* Air conditioning is highly addictive, for people who use air conditioning become dependent upon it to mask the symptoms of heat.
* People will spend $1000's of dollars extra to have air conditioning placed in their cars, homes, and offices.
STOP THE CHIKES
* The Chikes invented cheap "window air conditioning" units in order to addict even poor people to air conditioning.
* The Chikes have infilitrated cults with air conditioning as we see in this documentary photo of a cult lodgment having an air conditioner in each room:
TRUTH
The truth is that G-d wants us to learn to "handle the heat." However, the the Chikes want to make us dependent upon not only air conditioning but also the following AC drugs and paraphenallia:
Ice cubes
Freezers
Refrigerators
Thermoses
Iced Drinks
Ice Cream
Popsicles
Daquiris
Fruitsicles
Frozen confections
Dry Ice
Freon
Glycol
There is more:
Ice Skating
Hockey
Snow Skiiing
Iceboarding
CCAACA opposes air conditioning in its obvious and cleverly hidden forms. We must fight AC before the Chikes use it to control the world.
STOP THE CHIKES
STOP THE CHIKES
Mr. Swift, you are a CHIKE! Confess your air conditioning crimes! How does it feel to air condition other people? Why do you think less of them?
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