From Reader's Digest:

I hate advice unless I'm giving it.

- Jack Nicholson

KEEP A-GOIN'!
=============
Ef you strike a thorn or rose,
Keep a-goin'!
Ef it hails, or ef it snows,
Keep a-goin'!

'Tain't no use to sit an' whine,
When the fish ain't on yer line;
Bait yer hook an' keep a-tryin'-
Keep a-goin'!

When the weather kills yer crop,
Keep a-goin'!
When you tumble from the top,
Keep a-goin'!

S'pose you're out o' every dime,
Bein' broke ain't any crime;
Tell the world you're feelin' prime
Keep a-goin'!

When it looks like all is up,
Keep a-goin'!
Drain the sweetness from the cup,
Keep a-goin'!

See the wild birds on the wing,
Hear the bells that sweetly ring,
When you feel like singin' sing
Keep a-goin'!

-FRANK L. STANTON.

PROUD TO BE A WOG.

This was originally posted by Fredric Rice on a.r.s. as "Proud to Be a Democrat"....
I have taken poetic license to make it more on topic and acceptable to several OCMBposters ....knowing how rightwing some of you are.

Tigger

Proud to be a Wog

A first grade teacher in Clearwater, Florida is explaining to her class that she is a Scientologist and how wonderful it is that L. Ron Hubbard, the great scientist, war hero, best-selling author, famous explorer, creator of the "church" of Scientology and unselfish humanitarian loves us so much, dear L. Ron has left his body and is traveling among the stars on a space ship working to save the Planet.

She asks her students to raise their hands and shout "Hip, Hip Hooray" three times to a large portrait of L. Ron Hubbard if they, too, are Scientologists and love L. Ron Hubbard. Everyone in class raises their hands and shouts "Hip, Hip Hooray" three times except one little girl.

"Mary," says the teacher with surprise, "why didn't you raise your hand and cheer for L. Ron?"

"Because I'm not a Scientologist," says Mary.

"Well, what are you?" asks the teacher.

"I'm a WOG and proud of it," replies the little girl.

The teacher cannot believe her ears. "My goodness, Mary, why are you a WOG?" she asks.

"Well, my momma and papa are WOGS, so I'm a WOG, too."

"Well," says the teacher in an annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a WOG. You don't always have to be like your parents. What if your momma was a criminal and your papa was a criminal, too, what would you be then?"

Mary smiled. "Then we'd be Scientologists."

Most people hate egotists.
They remind them of themselves.
I love egotists.
They remind me of me.

Raymond M. Smullyan

Tigger:
Thanks for the adaptation. (I got the original Christian joke from my brother/sister-in-law via email awhile back.)

We got a "Proud to be a SP" t-shirt, do we need a "Proud to be a Wog" too?

http://www.cafeshops.com/clambake.6211729

LOL Andreas, maybe.
I made my own "WOG" sweatshirt with a laundry marker just for kicks. My daughter was not amused. But she's not as crazy as her mom.

Tigger

Alfred,



Yes, but how many of them are having sex with each other? And how many furry creatures are involved?

I'm on the computer and NOT having sex, although applications are invited from willing women!

Is this a significant fact?

FOOLS & HYPOCRITES

Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one-half the world fools and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth.

-- Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia, 1781-82

LIes & Liars

"Most lies succeed because no one goes through the work to figure out how to catch them."

Paul Ekman

Most liars succeed becaue few have the courage to confront them.

There is only one way to lie, tell the truth, the whole truth, and no one will ever believe you.

Albert Jakoby

(Message edited by Apollo13 on April 06, 2004)

There are three types of lies: lies, damn lies and statistics.

- Mark Twain

Also attributed to Benjamin Disreali, who was alleged to have said this to Sam Clemens while they were discussing statistical analysis.

All people, however fanatical they may be in their zeal to disparage and to fight capitalism, implicitly pay homage to it by passionately clamoring for the products it turns out. Von Mises

It is not conclusive proof of a doctrine's correctness that its adversaries use the police, the hangman, and violent mobs to fight it. But it is a proof of the fact that those taking recourse to violent oppression are in their subconsciousness convinced of the untenability of their own doctrines. Von Mises

Principles don't mean anything unless you stand by them when it is inconvenient. Unknown.

If infinite rednecks fired infinite shotguns at an infinite number of road signs, they'd eventually create all the great literary works of the world in braille.

Kill two birds with one stone. Feed the homeless to the hungry.

Never judge a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes, 'cuz by then, he's a mile away, you've got his shoes, and you can say whatever the hell you want to.

As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?


Save the whales! Collect the whole set!

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone renounced violence forever? I could then conquer the whole stupid planet with just a butter knife.

You will find that the State is the kind of organization which, while it does big things badly, does small things badly too.

Boxing is a lot like ballet, except that they don't dance, there isn't any music, and they hit each other.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs and insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.