I read El Rum Hubturd's Admissions/Affirmations for the first time last night and they were definitely an eye opener. I saw a glimpse of where his lunacy and narcissism originated. His sexual problems including impotence play a huge role in them along with his mental problems. Some critics have said that the OT crap came from the drugs he was taking at the time as those drugs can produce the feeling that critters are all over your body, but I think it had more to do with his hypochondria and obsession with his own body. Also, his Guardian plays a large role in the Admissions. This Guardian figure proves that he was a paranoid schizophrenic or at least had a multiple personality disorder. Here are 6 Admissions that jumped from the page to me. Please let me know what your favorite ones are and give me any info that I might be missing, especially regarding this Guardian figure.

1) Your psychology is good. You worked to darken your own children. This failure, with them, was only apparent. The evident lack of effectiveness was “ordered.� The same psychology works perfectly on everyone else. You use it with great confidence.

2) Material things are yours for the asking. Men are your slaves. Elemental spirits are your slaves. You are power among powers, light in darkness, beauty in all.

3) Your psychology is advanced and true and wonderful. It hypnotizes people. It predicts their emotions, for you are their ruler.

4) Taking medicine to make you healthy sometimes makes you happier or sadder but you need have no fears about being synthetic, or experiencing synthetic reactions. Testosterone and stilbestrol makes your reactions real enough.

5) Testosterone blends easily with your own hormones. Your glands already make plenty of needed testosterone and by adding to that store you make yourself very thrilling and sexy. Testosterone increases your sexual interest and activity. It makes erections easier and harder and makes your own joy more intense. Stilbesterol in 5 mg doses makes you thrill more to music and color and makes you kinder. You have no fear of what any woman may think of your bed conduct. You know you are a master. You know they will be thrilled. You can come many times without weariness. The act does not reduce your vitality or brain power at all. You can come several times and still write. Intercourse does not hurt your chest or make you sore. Your arms are strong and do not ache in the act. Your own pleasure is not dependent on the woman’s. You are interested only in your own sexual pleasure. If she gets any that is all right but not vital. Many women are not capable of pleasure in sex and anything adverse they say or do has no effect whatever upon your pleasure. Their bodies thrill you. If they repel you, it merely means they themselves are too frigid or prudish to be bothered with. They are unimportant in bed except as they thrill you. Your sexual power is magnificent and they know it. If they are afraid of it, that is their loss. You are not affected by it.

6) That [the Guardian] is with you always does not mean that she sees you as indecent ever. You cannot offend her. You cannot repel her. You are too good. This does not apply to sex. She has never and will never forbid you of pleasures. She will never censure you. She is lovely and beautiful and radiant and part of your life. You can see her consciously whenever you wish. You are never startled by her because you are not afraid of her. You are partly in her plane, she partly in yours as you wish to see her. She has copper red hair, long braids, a lovely Venusian face, a white gown belted with jade squares. She wears gold slippers. Thus you
see her.

http://www.lermanet2.com/reference/Admissions.pdf

My favorite follows number five:

"You have no fear if they concieve. What if they do? You do not care. Pour it in them and let fate decide."

I guess that one explains the seven kids...

"Your psychology is advanced and true and wonderful. It hypnotizes people. It predicts their emotions, for you are their ruler."

What a sick twist he was!

She doesn't look like a vision to me!

(Ok she had been having a bad hair day and didn't have her braids done and was wearing her round jade piece belt that's why she isn't a vision)

From my psychiatric evaluation after reading Admissions.

Thanks to Roger Gonnet who pointed me to this and of course a Big
thanks to Gerry Armstrong who brought this confessional" writings to
the public. George , you really knew what you were talking about in
your foreword. I know understand why the "church" hates you and
persecutes you and ultimatly fears you so much.

http://www.holysmoke.org/ga/ga07.htm

You can read all the details on :
http://www.lermanet.com/exit/hubbard-ad ... -eval.html
(Thanks Arnaldo!)

and in french at:
http://www.antisectes.net/admissions-dr ... ttstam.htm
(Thank´s Roger!)



SUMMARY

There is little question about LRH suffering from paranoic
schizophrenia at the time he wrote the above. Predominant symtoms are
auditive and likely visual hallucinations together with numbed emotions
, suicidal thoughts , extremely low selfworth, impotence , thought
disturbances and problems with articulation and memory. His fatigue and
indolence together with the anhedonia is the typical low energy , low
vigilance and numbed emotions found in the domaine of so called
negative symtoms in this disease . He is fighting a hard battle with
inner psychological conflicts, balancing between the depressed state
with suicidal thoughts and the Godlike, allmighty powerful
"chosen" one with special gifts and blessed with an inner
"Guardian". The Church of Scientology and its methods is merely the
reflection of this seriously sick mans inner world. Constantly on guard
against percieved critique and attacks from the hostile surrounding
environments. Obsessed with money , not only as a mean of survival but
as an instrument of power and evidence of success.

Ulf Brettstam
Senior psychiatrist

The organization clearly is schizophrenic and paranoid, and this
bizarre combination seems to be a reflection of its founder [L. Ron
Hubbard]. The evidence portrays a man who has been virtually a
pathological liar when it comes to his history, background and
achievements. The writings and documents in evidence additionally
reflect his egoism, greed, avarice, lust for power, and vindictiveness
and aggressiveness against persons perceived by him to be disloyal or
hostile."

-- Judge Paul G. Breckenridge, Jr., 6/20/84 (Scientology v. Armstrong,
affirmed on appeal 232 Cal.App.3rd 1060, 283 Cal.Rptr. 917.)

Ulf Brettstam

RWT: Inspired pic!

Ulf: Thanks do much for the link. It's great to get a psychiatrist's opinion of these wrtitings. I am not too familiar with anhedonia so I'll have to read up on it. I also appreciate Gerry Armstrong bringing the Admissions to light. I truly wonder why LRH didn't destroy them. Perhaps he wanted them around after he was gone to explain where all the lunacy and evil originated. They're definitely required reading for someone trying to get to know the real LRH.

I have quite mixed feelings about the insanity diagnosis.

On the one hand, I'm not a psychiatrist and ufo's post sounds plausible. But it's also the kind of ruse sometimes used by criminals who wish to claim diminished responsibility, and get let off with a lesser sentence.

I can imagine that if Hub were ever pulled up in front of a court and charged with crimes against the soul, that his defense would argue just that. "It wasn't my fault really, your honour" etc.

But what if the guardian weren't an hallucination, but an aspect of some OTO type process Hubbard originated after reading Crowley and working with Jack Parsons? What if he know what he were doing all along and this was just another manifestation of the evil?

He knew what he was doing.

But he was still insane.

It's like the Scientologist kid who decided to kill his mother because he didn't like the way she told him to take a shower - he knew she would be die, but he didn't care because she was 'against him' and he could only think of one way to end it.

Insanity is... hard to explain to someone who'd never been there. Everything makes perfect sense to you, you feel completely rational and in total control, but the only thing in control is your madness.


Look at it this way: Scientology is the art of intentionally inflicting madness on its followers. You take an ordinary person and purposefully bend them until they break. Their behavior is definitely insane in all regards: they don't care about themselves, they don't care about their family, all they care about is "Keeping the CoS going."

Because the madness isn't chemical but environmental, however, it is relatively 'easy' to cure the Scieno madness - as the hordes of people who've left the church can attest.

Which is also why the anti-psychiatry stance is so strong: LRH knew quite well that they would see through his little game. And why, quite honestly, the whole thing is raised from the level of a tragedy to almost being a farce - with their claims to have the cure to insanity but actually inflicting it...


The whole thing is so sadly twisted that you have to laugh.

But yes, an insanity defense would have worked for LRH, but it would have destroyed his scam entirely and left him a discredited, bitter old man forced into hiding with all his money... wait, isn't that how he died anyway? And the scam is being destroyed, albiet slower, without him around anyway?

I have mixed feelings about it too Blue Streak. I think the most plausible explanation is that he did get some ideas from OTO, but those concepts were much more true for him than most people since he was insane. Also, pleading not guilty for reasons of insanity is not a good defense in the US. Only 1 out every 1000 defendants that use that plea get off. I'm sure LRH wouldn't be in that small group because his lies and abuses were so well documented and done repeatedly.

Anhedonia - inability to feel or more or less numbed emotions - is a common trait with most schizophrenics. Together with a megalomaniac selfperception -you get a perfect psychopath. We ( other people ) are merely irritating bugs to them. They lie without a blink of an eye when they think they´ll benefit from doing so. Committing crimes are also no problem to them because laws and common moral and ethics is just for us (bugs) ordinary people to follow and doesn´t complie to them.

Take a look at Hubbards legacy with this in mind and tell me what you see.



There is little ,if any, doubt from a psychiatric perspective, that the guardian represents true hallucinations. If you read admissions you can see that to Hubbard , the guardian is for real. It´s also quite common with the schizophrenics to to take a great intrest in the occult and the spiritual world, as is magical thinking as a symtom. This is in fact due to their disturbed thoughts and their hightened sensitivity which in turn are the results from a phenomena called deshabituation. The neurophysiological basis is an overactivity in dopamine neurons in the brain, especially in the prefrontal cortex.

Of course he knew what he was doing, he just didn´t care less of the consequences of his actions to other people.

Ulf Brettstam

ufo, would you say that this condition was variable, i.e. that Hubbard might have partially recovered for a time and then relapsed, or would the person be stuck with the symptoms?

Stuck.

Just like the line says, "The first step is admitting you have a problem." Because LRH never admitted that he had a problem, the symptoms only grew worse - one can track the progression of insanity by other's accounts of him. In the 40's it was just insecurity and a tendancy to lie; in the 50's it was a rollercoaster of bipolar manic/depressive with a healthy ride on the paranoid delusion-a-whirl for afters; in the 60's it was full-blown paranoid schizophrenia with growing tendancies of a sociopath; and from there it just got worse... especially after his "Seeing the BTs for the first time" diet of greys, pinks, and rum.

Though it was quite bad even in the 50's. One exchange that sticks out in my mind was when a follower of LRH said to LRH, "It would be nice if we were closer friends." LRH paused for a moment and said, "Yeah, but I can't have any friends." He never explained what he meant, but even then, that simple line says it all. That line is a purely sociopathic one; you can't be friends with anyone because no one is on your level. Ever. They are only worms, and the biggest threat to your own existance would be someone who was on your level, and you would have to destroy that person as quickly as possible.


Come to think of it, THAT line is my favorite "Admission of Hubbard" to get back on topic somewhat. It just says it all. "Yeah, but I can't have any friends."

What I get a kick out of is how it really didn't take much to set Hubbard off... send him into a tailspin of impotence! Polly, Sara, the "slut" Ginger... all were in some way ball-busting women who caused poor unfortunate Ron's "little ron" to shrivel up and wilt.

But of course, what really did Ron in... the most suppresive condition of his life, a thing bound to torment ANY man: a ball-sack that hung too low!!

Gee what an omnipotent god Ron was!

"I have a very bad masturbatory history. I was taught when I was 11
and, despite guilt, fear of insanity, etc. etc. I persisted. At a
physical examination at a Y when I was about 13, the examiner and the
people with him called me out of the line because my testicles hung
low and cautioned me about what would happen if I kept on
masturbating. This "discovery" was a bad shock to me.
I had to be so silent about it that now when a bedspring squeaks I
lose all libido."
LRH


"I'm postulating silent bed-springs, I'm postulating silent bedsprings,
I'm postulating silent bedsprings, I'm postulating...""

Ting-a-ling, God damn, find a woman if you can.
If you can't find a woman, find a clean old man.
If you're ever in Gibraltar, take a flying fuck at Walter.
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?

Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw 'em o'er your shoulder like a Continental soldier?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?

Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they make a lusty clamor when you hit them with a hammer?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?

Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you bounce 'em off the wall like an Indian rubber ball?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?

Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they have a hollow sound when you drag 'em on the ground?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?

Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they have a mellow tingle when you hit 'em with a shingle?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?

Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they have a salty taste when you wrap 'em 'round your waist?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?

Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they chime like a gong when you pull upon your dong?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?

There might have been a partial relapse in the early phase of the illness onset. I would say that at the time he wrote admissions he´d been sick for more than 7 years. There doesn´t seem to have been any recovery whatsoever, judging from what we know about his life.

Ulf