I'll take a leaf from mr_bads book and post my story bit by bit. I need the time to do it justice.
Though, if mr_bad would post another of his interesting chapters, I sure would appreciate it!
I have decided to start with the incident that began my exit, though I did not know it at the time. It was later, looking back at it, that really opened my eyes. If I started at the start, you would all get bored before the really interesting stuff. So I will try to suck you into the story with some juicy stuff first.
I was in an auditing room at Int. There were a few old buildings and demountables etc along the way from the base proper towards OGH (Old Gilman House, were I was being held at Lady Miscavige's pleasure). Might need to check google earth and find out more exactly where this was. It was a long time ago and the base has changed heaps since then. I had to be kept away from the general population, otherwise they might start asking questions!
Now, just so you know, I am not writing this story for you. I am writing it for me and for my family and closest friends. I hope you guys will appreciate it and hopefully offer me some feedback. If you had been in like me, you will understand that writing a coherent account of it is very hard. To much nuance and subtlety is left out.
Back to the session. I was being sec-checked ("confessional auditing") by RTC because that is pretty much what they do with anyone who pisses them off. I had been in Scn for many years (around five) at this time, but was still quite naive about the whole thing. I had done something wrong, and was ordered to sec checking and ethics handling. Just like that, no regard for my stats being up, no committee of evidence, no recourse, nothing. Just do it.
At first, I had not been told what I had done wrong (I was always handling flaps, so it could have been any one of them). I had an idea, but it turned out to be totally wrong. It was some other aspect of what I had done that brought the wrath of Lady Miscagive down on me.
This sec check had started to get a little weird, apart from the usual questions about my post, life and personal habits, there were all these questions about 'visitations'. Have you had 'visitations'? Have you been visited in your sleep? Basically they seemed to think that someone had gotten to me, and done the PDH thing. Drugged me up and sent me in to disrupt the organization; they thought I was a plant!
Now, I had heard of these plants, and actually met one. That is someone who had been drugged, hypnotized, given commands, and then sent in to disrupt the organization. At least this guy believed that had happened to him. I can only take his word for it.
I know I digress, expect a fair bit of that.
So I am in this session, and it has basically boiled down to the auditor telling me this: You are either PTS (making mistakes because I am connected to a suppressive) or a plant (had been drugged and been implanted to be disruptive). So which is it? I later heard about gang bang sec checks, but this was not one, and I never experienced one. The auditor was a great guy, and a very good auditor. Lady Miscavige was getting the sec-check results, and directing him on what questions to ask. He was just doing his job, and he was doing it quite well.
I knew I was not a plant, and was not connected to anyone suppressive. But being a good auditor, he was trained to get an answer. You try not answering when someone this good is asking the questions!
Well, I ended up in tears during the auditing session. Well done Lady Miscavige, you brought a 23 year old to tears. I know you were impressed, because in the next auditing session there was a camera set up to record the whole thing. Damn, I bet you wished you had me crying on tape. It would have made a nice addition to the collection.
Anyway, I knew I wasn't a plant, so it must be PTS. I gave up a family member as a terminal. Now, after having read many other stories about ex-SO etc, I believe that if I had named someone, like my seniors, someone in RTC, DM, anybody in the SO etc, it would have proved to them that I had evil purposes and I would have been in a black boiler suit cleaning out toilets. As it happens, I was doing that, only I did not have to wear the black boiler suit.
OK, so why cry about it? Well I had put a lot into this. I had flown half way around the world to go work for them. I had spent many sleepless nights, working and fixing problems. I put everything I had into it because I though it was worthwhile. Mistakes were made, I made them, others made them. But who fixed them? Me. Who was the goto guy when the shit hit the fan? Me. And all that effort, all those good ideas, all that work, everything - comes down to either I am a plant, or PTS. And this is RTC! Other auditors or orgs might make mistakes. Might not have pure tech etc. But their response to what was a major and long term problem (for my whole org at the time, not just me) was just that. I am PTS, or I am a plant.
I laugh at this now. But I wish I had gone with the plant option. Just to see what would have happened. I bet I could have gotten out quicker!
Now, I was trained enough in the lore of the SO to know there are many penalties that can be applied to someone. But LRH always said, keep your stats up and you will be fine. He says you can always contact him if someone hits you when your stats are up. Well, where were you? My stats were up and I was removed from post, put into ethics and then sent to a 'lower org'. No one even looked at my stats.
Why, because Lord and Lady Miscavige are above all that. Their word is law. Their merest wish was our most fervent desire. And if a simple mortal had spoken up about it, they would have been made to take the trip with me.
What a waste of time!