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 Post subject: Re: Cult of Scientology V. Family and Friends
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:46 am 
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In Scientology, there are two kinds of disconnection. There is blatantly enforced disconnection, but there is also a more subtle kind, known as estrangement.

I was a staff member at a Church of Scientology for about a dozen years. Before joining staff I was a public person for a few years. As soon as I became "serious" about Scientology, I started down the path of becoming estranged from my childhood friends and most important, from my family.

Did I ever intend to become estranged from my loved ones? Did I ever think I would be? Never. Looking back, it is weird how it seemed to "just naturally happen". It is a sort of sub-conscious process that takes place. A "separation" from your old life as you become entrenched in your new life. You get a whole new reality as you study and learn and apply a wonderful new technology that indeed has the power to change you. All for the better, you think. So why not go forward? If your loved ones "don't get it", you simply leave them behind. Here is the important part. NO one tells you to do this, directly that is. No one says to you, leave them behind, this is your new life. At least no one said this to me. I did not witness this estrangement happening so much with the public at my Org. That does not mean it did not take place. By virtue of the fact that the public are heavily pressed continually to put the maximum amount of their "spare" time in at the Church, on course or in auditing sessions or auditing others, it becomes difficult if not impossible to nurture outside relationships. But the public can take the occasional break from Church activities. For staff it is much harder. For Sea Org members, it is impossible to have normal family relationships.

How it begins: When I was public in the first few years, and I was on course in the Academy, I was pressed to put in a lot of extra time to finish my course. But, there was a conflict in that, that weekend, I needed to attend an important function relating to my husband's work and career. When I disagreed, I was sent to ethics to be "handled". In hindsight, this was a demeaning process, as if I was a child being sent to the principle's office for having behaved badly. Psychologically, this technique worked on me. I was a "straight A" student and I was never sent to the principle's office for anything, so this weighed heavy on me, and I bought into the illusion that they had some kind of power over me.

Later, I reached a point where I decided to make Auditing my "career" in life. It was a logical choice. I was young, in my twenties, and I wanted to make a difference in the world. For years, I thought it would be the Peace Corps. But once I was trained as a professional auditor, and I saw auditing work right before my eyes, and Oh how it did blow my mind, I thought there was no other choice for me. I saw the "preclear" get better, I saw the e-meter phenomenon, I saw the happy face, and the "floating needle", and so there was no more room for skepticism. I really was changing someone's life for the better. This was true help, something I had been searching for. A bona-fide way of helping others. Not like the psycho-drug-pushing charlatans with their endless stream of useless labels (as I saw them BEFORE Scientology). This was the real deal. At that point I became staff.

Once on staff however, there was literally no time for family or old friends. I was at the Org 14 hours a day, first studying, and later working. Seeing my family, well, honestly I did not bring it up very often. I did not fight for it. My mistake. But it was quiteobvious, in the culture that I was living in, that families were not important. I was the kind of person who avoided confrontations and fights with people whom I am intimately involved with. I saw no one else whining about not getting time off to see their families. There was the incident when I was a public person on course. That certainly set the tone of the environment. There was nothing more important than what we were doing. Our mission took precedence over everything else. We were engaged in a battle for eternity. What about our family, and our friends? We could be with them in another life. Once the planet was cleared, and the mission was accomplished, (though this was never talked about) things would be utopian, I guess, and we would see our families then, maybe. Or another view, we've lived so many lives, we've spent lifetime after lifetime with our loved ones, it is now time to do something bigger and save the planet, not just for ourselves, but for them too. The big picture was all we saw. We are not bodies experiencing only one lifetime, we are spiritual beings, above the necessities of physical bodies. And then there is the worst justification for this insidious anti-family culture: they are wogs, or worse, degraded beings, therefore a waste of time. If your family members do not get with the program, as you did, they just aren't the "able" ones (the ones with money, really) worthy of any kind of help. (Remember that? Scientology is for the able- the rest can go shrivel up and die, I guess)

As a result of this brainwashing, in the many years I spent as staff and public, I saw my family very little, if at all. Christmases, Thanksgivings and Birthdays all canceled. If you ever brought these things up, it was clear that they were considered very unimportant. I could have picked up the phone and called them, but I felt I had nothing in common with them any more. The only interest shown in my family (by Org people) was whether or not I was "disseminating" to them (selling Scientology to them). In hindsight, I am glad I did not attempt that so hard, because, if I had, and they turned out to be very against it, I would have been forced to "handle or disconnect". Perhaps deep down inside I knew the risk involved.

The people at our Org with children were alloted some "family time", which was precisely two hours at dinner time each day, then back to their 16 hour work day, 7 days a week. Plus, maybe, a few hours here or there, if your "stats were up". That was all the "family time" they had and it wasn't nearly enough to raise children on. Then the Sea Org decided to cancel family time, and from then on they had only one hour for dinner instead. That's one hour to drive home, prepare some kind of meal, eat, and return for "muster". At one point the Org had "Nannies"- full time staff who cared for the staff's children. But there were so many problems with that system. But, rather than solve those problems, the Sea Org simply chose to cancel the Nannies as well. After that the staff were left with no choice but to leave under-aged children home alone to fend for themselves, if they couldn't afford sitters (which they certainly couldn't afford on staff "pay"). There are many cases of children winding up harmed, in trouble and abused by these policies and practices of neglect of children.

At one time, I was ordered to disconnect from a very close friend, another Scientologist, because they were in "ethics trouble". I was ordered not to speak to this person for about 6 months. And they weren't even declared a suppressive person. The "officers" simply did not want us speaking, because they thought this person would be a bad influence on me, as if I were a child, incapable of making up my own mind, like they were my parents telling me who I could and couldn't communicate with. But I was not a child. Perhaps that is the point. They want to replace your family, become your parents and treat you like a child for the rest of your life, to make you feel small and insignificant compared to them. ("Them" being the officers, executives, ethics officers, those who wield the power in Scientology, and even if you are an executive yourself, there is always some bigger executive ready to spank you if you step out of line) It is very degrading, really. And I consider my experiences "light" compared to others.

Eventually I left staff, after being unable to properly care for a sick family member, who later died. In hindsight I regret this, not spending the time with this person before they died. I am older now, and it is the little things in life that are important to me. My health. A smile. A friendship. A relationship with a sibling. A grandchild. Living my life totally free. Not free because I went to the top of the OT bridge, but free because I freed myself.

I have redeemed myself with my family. I have made up for the lost time. I've gone above and beyond making up. I could only have done this by leaving Scientology behind me. I have a wonderful family and I am glad to know them. They deserve my love and support. We are all very close now. I miss the girlfriends I grew up with- their names have changed and we've all moved and now I can't find them.

I believe you can join Scientology and still have a healthy family life, in some circumstances. But the circumstances vary greatly Org to Org and your chances are slim. Public, yes, if its important to you. Staff maybe, if you're very strong on this point, and lucky enough to be in a more favorable environment. (But you'll always be seen as having "other fish to fry"). Sea Org, definitely not. If you are lucky enough to have your family work in the Sea Org too, you'll still rarely see them except occasionally while working. If you leave the Sea Org, or they leave, even without official enforced disconnection, you'll be lucky if you see them at all. But in any circumstances, if you want to have an actual relationship, you will have to hold your ground, and fight extremely hard for it. If it gets crazy and you hold your ground, you will wind up declared like so many others.

In the bulletin called PTSNESS AND DISCONNECTION (PTS = Potential Trouble Source, becoming a potential source of trouble to the Church) Hubbard writes "When an Ethics Officer finds that a Scientologist is PTS to a a family member, he does NOT recommend that the person disconnect from the antagonistic source." Unfortunately, like so much of the Scientology data, it is not applied. Hubbard failed to later emphasize his own rule, he failed to make it iron-clad, in fact he violated it himself, with his own family. And now, disconnection among family members happens rather casually.

If you are public, and have a family member who is showing concern about your involvement with this controversial group, because they care about you, and don't want to see you harmed, you will be sent to the ethics officer. The family member's crime? Communicating to you. The EO will indoctrinate you, and if the family member is unhappy that you are involved in Scientology, you will be instructed to "handle". The gist of this handling will not be to openly discuss the issue, but to simply tell the person "I do not complain that you are a janitor, so do not complain that I am a Scientologist". That right there, begins the campaign of making nothing of the family member, and degrading the family member in the eyes of the Scientologist. You say, but aren't they the masters of communication? Couldn't this problem be handled with TRs and effective communication? In my opinion, yes, if they used it, along with ARC and KRC and all the other "tech" that they never use. But, unfortunately the true intention is to create a divide between the Scientologist and the family member and make the noisy family member shut up and go away, the family member degraded in the Scientologist's eyes. If the family member is bold enough and smart enough not to eat their degradation pie, then you will be told to disconnect from them, or you will disconnect on your own and just stop speaking to them.

The biggest crimes in Scientology? Honesty and Integrity. Try practicing them and you will soon be declared. I have committed the "crime" of deciding that Scientology is not for me, something the Church claims is ok to do. Yet if I reveal this to my loved ones in Scientology I will be declared suppressive and disconnected from them. They say "think for yourself". Do it. The fastest way out of Scientology IS to start thinking for yourself.

So, in the end it is about enforced disconnection after all, and what lengths one has to go to in order to keep the Church from disconnecting family members, in the small world of Scientology, like a small town where the culture runs deep, and the "outsiders" can never know what is really going on. When Church officials claim that people are lying about this subject of families and disconnection, they are the ones lying. They support a culture within all areas of the Church that completely negates the family in its value and importance. It takes a lot more than selling people expensive marriage counseling to keep a family dynamic going. Scientology is THE most anti-family group on the planet. You can tell, not by their words, but by their actions.

Dorothy

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Last edited by Dorothy on Wed Mar 26, 2008 10:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 1:52 am 
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Dorothy, I just read one of your other posts, and was so impressed I decided to read more.

Welcome to OCMB.

You have a way with words and your honesty and integrity shine through bright and clear.

Keep writing please!

Hugs, Ladybird

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 9:03 am 
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My heart goes out to you Dorothy...

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 Post subject: Sad but excellent post
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:55 am 
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Thanks for a sad but excellent post, Dorothy, with much food for thought. One phrase I particularly liked (and which could make a good picket sign on the 15th):

"The fastest way out of Scientology IS to start thinking for yourself."

Welcome

TomL


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:47 pm 
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Dorothy

Great post.

On the PTS handling it says to use "good weather good roads" communication with the person who is antagonistic to the cult or disconnect from the person.
"Good weather, good roads" type of communication is shallow, artificial and inhibitive way to communicate with someone. It is not a real communication and it leads to less and less communication. :twisted:

Opter


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 3:43 pm 
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I'm sorry for being repetitive here, but great post, thank you, and please keep writing!

Have you told your story outside of the CoS-critics rings? I think all it needs is a few explanations for acronyms and concepts, and it's a wonderful, vivid narration of many of Scientology's crimes together.

Again, thank you for coming forward. I'm really really glad that you got your life back together and now enjoy it.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 4:33 pm 
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Dorothy, Thank you for a wonderful post. Estrangement as a form of disconneciton in the Church of Scientology is very, very accurate.

Having a father who got declared when I was 3, I never met him or knew him.

But the fact of the estrangement is SO SO true as well!

After I got declared and started talking with my non-Scn family, I was suprised to discover how embarassingly estranged I was from my own family. I hardly knew any of them. My grandparents, my great aunt, my uncles, my cousins.

I hardly knew anything. (things like "Oh, you have two children?" or "Wow, you have been fighting cancer for 2 years?" or "You guys have a reunion every year?" or "It's whos 40th anniversary?").

My god its so embarassing for me.

They have forgiven me now that they know I am totally and completely out of the church. They are helping me to catch up on the years of family I have missed.

---

Meanwhile, I heard that my Sea Org mother is writing KRs on me for visiting my family!!! She is trying to "get my ethics in".

So much for disconnection not existing!!

She doesnt even know her own family. They are anti-Scn and she has no idea. They "tolerate" her, but cant stand her, because she really is not part of the family. I did not create her "PTS situation". It's been building up for years and years because of her estrangement with her own family. They dont know her, she doesnt know them.

Its very, very sad. For her. She is in a bubble.

May she break free someday. May we all.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 6:27 pm 
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Welcome, Dorothy Gale! LOVE your nick!

NO SURRENDER, DOROTHY! :wink:

This is the quote from your amazing post that got to me:

Quote:
The biggest crimes in Scientology? Honesty and Integrity.


Goddamn that f@ckin' El Ron...evil, twisted, cruel mutha'....

I'm glad you're here and glad you're OUT!

Whoopideedoo! Ain't freedom the MOST?

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 8:05 pm 
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Dorothy, I learned so much from your post. Yes, estrangement is the perfect word for the slow, steady phenomenon of detaching a person from their normal environment and then replacing their world with Scientology. Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m going to continue studying your post carefully because your insights are very valuable to me.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 3:36 am 
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Dorothy,

This is a wonderfully clear, well-written account of just HOW we all got so brainwashed!

Dorothy wrote:
I believe you can join Scientology and still have a healthy family life, in some circumstances.


I must disagree with this statement, however. Sea Org families who are all "in" together rarely see each other. They aren't allowed to speak to each other about any real problems they are having that are related to being there. Fortunately, there are cases where the family bond overrides this, and communication does occur. But so often, one unhappy family member speaks up and is actually sent to the RPF by "KRs" of his own family!!

My husband's family is also a good example of just how dysfunctional $cientology causes you to be. They don't have any time to really spend with each other, as they are all chasing their own "spiritual freedom" and "going up the bridge". $cientologists are so disconnected from real life, that they don't even see it. (I am speaking from personal experience here.) When my own father died, I was so delusional, thinking that "he'll be back next lifetime" that I didn't even get to spend time with him, before his death, and due to $cientology, I resented the drugs he was given for pain when he was dying!!!

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 7:44 am 
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Great post and welcome here, Dorothy. One thing I think is funny in this respect is that the Scientologists (including me until I woke up) are so delusional and arrogant that they really think that they have "good PR" when they do the less than irreducable minimum for the "good roads and fair weather" such as sending birthday cards and showing up for 45 minutes at Christmas etc. Meanwhile the "degraded" wogs see right through it.

I once owed a Scientologist a favor and wanted to take him and his wife out for a nice dinner. I asked him to call whenever they were available and after a few months and several phone calls on my part he said that the only time they had was to go out for breakfast. Then our friendship simply faded away.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 3:04 pm 
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It's a High Crime to hang out with a SP....

+++++++Sacred Cult Scripture+++++++++++

Failure to handle or disavow and disconnect from a
person demonstrably guilty of suppressive acts.

L. Ron Hubbard
Introduction to Scientology Ethics
© 1998 L. Ron Hubbard Library

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 8:49 am 
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Dorothy,

You sum this up SO WELL. I was trying to explain to my boyfriend (a non-Scn) HOW I ended up "leaving" my friends. I told him it just evolved and happened "naturally", because my friends did not "get it". I LEFT MY FRIENDS, they never left me. No one pressured me. I cognited recently (huh, cognited!) that I was part and parcel in separating myself from the normal world just to be part of that Elite Group known as Scientology.

Mt boyfriend seemed to be under the impression that I was coerced to leave my friends when I first joined Scn, or perhaps, had new friends in Scn to replace the old ones, but, no, that was not the case.

I think Scientology is more clever than most cults--that being involved with it, can get one to think he's separating from people on his own determinism.

I am forwarding a link to him (to your posting) because you lend so much extensive information. THANKS for sharing!

Love,

"The Vaulk"

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 Post subject: Re: Cult of Scientology V. Family and Friends
PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 8:25 am 
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Dorothy wrote:
At one time, I was ordered to disconnect from a very close friend, another Scientologist, because they were in "ethics
trouble".

Dorothy



Same thing happened to my family. We could not talk to a certain Sci because of POSSIBLE ethics trouble......UGH such BS!

I'm glad you're out and you couldn't have explained it ANY BETTER~!!


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 Post subject: Re: Cult of Scientology V. Family and Friends
PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 8:49 am 
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Elronita wrote:
Same thing happened to my family. We could not talk to a certain Sci because of POSSIBLE ethics trouble......UGH such BS! I'm glad you're out and you couldn't have explained it ANY BETTER~!!

You could add your story over at http://www.scientologydisconnection.com.

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