My Kafkaesque dream about Sea Org.
In my dream I joined Sea Org for the second time, this time as an anti-Scientologist; I wanted to obtain more data on RPF conditions.
The Sea Org complex consisted of a main building and 5 smaller buildings; my workplace was one of those little buildings. My workday begun with the description of my duties given to me by my senior, I was supposed to collect the Internet data on several companies and device a plan suggesting how they could be approached by WISE. I was not planning to carry out my assignment, so I was not paying attention to by boss’ verbal instructions.
The room was large and clean; there were 20 people working on the computers in it, they all were nice to me. I spent the whole day asking them about their Scientology experiences. None of them was a former RPFer; I was a bit disappointed by the lack of RPF information. I decided to spend the next day in the main building.
This is where the Kafkaesque part of my dream begins.
The main building had the form of a cylinder, it looked like a smaller, 7-story version of Bonaventure Hotel. I remembered the building very well because it was the place where I did the Sea Org time when I was a Scientologist.
There was an elevator bank in the lobby of the building. Sea Org members dressed in parade Sea Org uniforms (this is the same kind of uniform that Miscavige wears) were standing in front of each elevator. The lines were long, the elevators were slow. All Sea Org staff were small, up to my shoulder. That was a surprise to me. “Why all these people are so short?”, I thought. “The slaves are not supposed to be tall”, said a female voice coming out of the loudspeaker. I decided not wait for an elevator and use the stairway to get to the second floor.
I approached the door leading to the stairway when I heard a voice behind me, “Why are you not dressed in Sea Org uniform? What are you doing here?”. I turned around and saw a man whose height was approximately 6’2’’, he was dressed in blue jeans and chequered shirt. “You are not wearing the uniform either”, I said. “State the nature of your business“, said the man in a command voice. “I am not a Scientologist, I am a plumber. There is a leak in the second floor bathroom“: I said. I expected him to ask me for an ID, but he nodded and said, “You are supposed to use the elevator”.
When the elevator arrived I cut the line and entered it. No one objected me being rude, they all were silent, which seemed to be the norm. “The slaves have never encountered this situation before, they were not told how to react to it”, said the loudspeaker.
I got out of the elevator at the second floor. There was a sofa standing right in front of the elevator door. The room was filled with 12 tables; each table had 4 chairs. All chairs were occupied. At the far end of the room there was a long table with 8 chairs, they all were unoccupied.
I sat on the sofa next to a young woman and begun listening to the conversation taking place at the nearest table. It took me couple of minutes to realize that each Sea Org member was talking to himself. I had no idea what they were talking about, their monologues were a mixture of Scientology lingo and regular English. They all were men, one of them was sobbing uncontrollably but no one was paying attention to him.
The woman sitting next to me was feeling uncomfortable, she was staring at me trying to figure out if I’m a loon. “What are doing here?”, I asked her. “I took the personality test, they sent me here to have a conversation with someone about the benefits of Scientology. Are you that person?”, she said. “There are no benefits, this Scientology shit stinks, just look around you”, I said. “I can see it now. Do you know how to get out of this place?”, she said. “There is a door at the end of the corridor, a stairway is behind it. Walk one flight down, open the red door and you will be out in the street”, I said. She thanked me and walked away.
Seven men entered the room and sat at the long table. They looked normal to me; I approached them and sat at their table. They were talking about Dianetics. “Do you know that Dianetics is crap?”, I asked them. They said nothing in response, but at least they did not object. I delivered a speech about Dianetics’ flaws. They listened attentively and did not interrupt. After I finished they begun asking questions. Our Q&A session went for about half an hour.
“Do you know why Hubbard condemned sex?”, I asked the interlocutors. At that moment the buzzer went off, it was a low-tone noise. “What was that?”, I asked them. “You said the forbidden word and turned the siren on”, said one of the men. “I suppose, the forbidden word is sex”, I said. The buzz grew louder.
Two security guards appeared in front of me. “We have to take you to the ethics officer”, said one of them. “The resistance is futile”, said another guard. I got up. The guards were short and slender, they were no match for me. At first I thought about knocking them down, but then changed my mind. “Talking to the ethics officer could be fun”, I thought.
I followed the guards to the corridor and began yelling, “Sex, sex, sex!”. The buzz became louder, but that was not enough for me. “Masturbation, masturbation!!”, I shouted. The siren howled like a wounded animal.
The ethics officer was a tiny man dressed in a strange pink uniform the likes of which I had never seen before. There were files on the floor, it looked like the room was hit by a hurricane. I could not keep my eyes of the e-meter lying on the officer’s desk. The device had the form of a head of an eagle, there was only one can attached to it.
“He said the forbidden word“, said the guard and pointed at me. “I know, I know, I’m not deaf“, said the ethics officer. He turned to me and said, “We are going to subject you to the most horrific Scientology punishment”. “Are you sending me to RPF?”, I said. “No, you are not worthy of RPF. You will be escorted out of the building and you will stay away from Scientology for the eternity to come”, said the ethics officer. The wooden eagle opened its beak and said, “Amen to that”. I burst into laughter and woke up.
“This OT shit is driving me insane. On a positive side, I laugh a lot these days because I’m at a funny farm.”
L. Ron Hubbard
No soy marinero, soy capitan del culto de mi padre.