I've read some of the postings. Not all of them, something stops me. My story in Scn. is pretty typical and I realize it's been said before. So instead of a life story you get a sixty second spot, moments, snapshots, or squibs.

I remember the incredible hurt of realizing I had been taken all those years. One of the first things I did was read up on Aleister Crowely. I didn't really understand much of it. He just seemed to me a spendthrift who wasted his inheritance and ruined the lives of those close to him. LRH sure surpassed old Aleister beyond his wildest dreams alright.

I was once handed a survey from the local GO getter. It asked:
Would I like to help the planet? I wrote YES.
Do I believe that the GO is helping the planet?
I wrote YES.
When could I start working for the GO?
I wrote NEVER. I just wanted to be a good Scientologist and go Clear. That was when I felt the eyes. I handed back the survey I finished and looked. Those eyes were colder than ice. "Whatever happened to 'Live and let live'", was the only thing I could think of.

Then there was the time I picked up Dale Carnegie's HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE.
It was only by coincidence that I read it when no-one was around. Or was it? Believe me I did
not restimulate my reactive mind when I read the book. I did make the mistake of leaving it
around the org however. One of my fellow clams saw the book and picked it up and examined it
like someone examining and dirty diaper. "Mixing practices are we?", said the Hitler youth.
I had remembered what this person was like before Scn. and watched the change as it happened.
I thought Scn would be so good if only we didn't have these jerks around. Little did I know that
the crazy world of ron hubbard encourages this behaviour and worse.

After I left staff I still took courses at the org. At coffee break, we would talk and shoot the breeze. One thetan-brain told us about how a local SP was communicating telepathically with him. Nothing unusual, others have said similar things, maybe a little more modestly, but very similar things. Most of the time I usually doubted such claims but would never say so. I felt it was much better just to be a good listener and still do. OT stuff like that just almost never happened to me. I do remember feeling a sense of superiority to people like that. Incredible! If I was so superior; then why didn't I leave? That would take a few more years.

Things to Do

-Buy some milk and a loaf of bread
-Pay the phone bill
-Wash the car
-Get to work and make those HEROES OF SCIENTOLOGY BUBBLE-GUM CARDS. Make sure to include Kember, Parkhouse, Gainman, Heldt, and Miscavage. Include bio on the back of course and make sure to include the www.xenu.net address.

I remember being on staff, keeping my nose clean, trying to "produce Valuable Final Products", and hoping like hell I wouldn't get into that kangaroo court known as the "Com Ev". I thought that I was a good Scientologist and a good person. I would watch new Scientologists join staff and see the change in them. They were more "unreasonable" than me! Was this a case of " I'm a better Scientologist than you."? Sure seemed like it. The stern self-righteousness made me cringe. The only thing that kept from completely falling under their boot was the fact that I knew they could't read my mind. After all they weren't OT, if they were that would have required a different strategy. I just said to myself privately, "They're wrong,fanatical, and very stupid.", over and over again to myself.

I had stopped coming to course one day. I just needed to make a living without any distractions. My friends had changed towards me. I was no longer a good Scientologist it seemed. I began to drift apart from them. One day I recieived in the mail some promo from Flag I believe. Included was a brand new HCOB from Ron telling us that it was no laughing matter to tell jokes about Scientology or LRH. I felt guilty for some reason. Incredible, I still hadn't grokked on what was happening. Scientology was alright and so was Ron. It was just the fanatics who were messing things up.
Then I saw the CBS 60 Minutes report on Scientology. I had seen it before but in the company of a room full of Scientologists so it was impossible to really take in the broadcast in a fair manner. No wonder members are discouraged from seeing such things. This time I was alone and could watch the show in peace. David Gainman lamely saying he had no idea how some rogue Scientologists could break the law and then Omar Garrison the author of a pro Scientology/Hubbard book came on the screen denouncing Hubbard and Scientology. All the contradictions and injustices couldn't be ignored anymore. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. That was the end. If Omar Garrison said it was lies then that was good enough for me. The hurt and let-down was incredible. I had been taken by a man I trusted and respected. It was the old carney trick, nothing new under the sun. God, so to speak had been taken away from me, my whole view on life and the universe exposed as a silly sham, and now I had to carry on like everyone else; without an infallible system to fall back on. "Ron. How could you do this to me?", I thought.

It's all that seafood.
Don't take it personal.

GERRY ARMSTRONG

Armstrong found the evidence that LRH was a liar and he showed it to Omar Garrison. Because of that Garrison denounced LRH and Scientology.

The church of scn now viciously attacks Armstrong's character. This is dirty and not very logical because it is a "red herring". It doesn't really matter what Gerry Armstrong's character is because it doesn't change the fact that LRH is a liar.

Gerry Armstrong, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for all you have done.

Thanks for your story, Paul.

I appreciated your story Paul.
We have had some similar experiences.

I would like to have access to this area, please.

Jamey,

By all means, jump in.

Paul

I guess this is an echo. I remember channel surfing and I stopped just long enough to see and hear the actor Peter Coyote talk about his days as a hippie. He told us that as much fun as it was there were a lot of incredibly stupid things about the whole hippie ethic that most people are either not aware of or conveniently forget. He lived in a communal house where the doors to all the bathrooms were taken off. The reason for this was because doors on bathrooms were terribly "bourgeois". I can just bet no-one complained due to peer pressure. By the way, I don't really want to start any debates about the hippies or the 60's but once in a while these topics trigger something and I do see something of my life in Scientology there.

Did anyone here ever "get" the DEI scale? I always felt defective that using it didn't make public drool all over themselves trying to get into the sea org when I was on recruit tour. Somehow, "inhibiting" them didn't create any "desire". I am not asking if it worked for you, I'm asking if you ever understood HOW it SUPPOSEDLY worked.
Lucky