No I never got it. Anything I never understood was merely filed away in my mind with a "I'll get back to you later when I smarter, better, more able" attitude. Because of this I was able to swallow whole chunks of Ron's bad science-fiction-fabrications. If they were to tell me to kill someone I probably would have done it. That's what scares me.

Lucky

What is the DEI scale?

I'd be glad of an explanation - 'inhibiting' them didn't create any 'desire'. I'm interested to know what might be inflicted on unsuspecting members of the public who are approached by scientologists.

Sparrow,

Desire, Enforce, Inhibit. Curse my excellent memory for knowing that!
I recently cleaned out my purse and threw out the little reference card on this and don't have time to dig into my scn book boxes in the basement, but someone here probably has it on hand. I know it's in the little blue dissemination booklet that was put out in the last couple of years.
Sorry I couldn't be more help.
Lucky

I never said this before, not even to myself; only because I never put it into WORDS. The knowledge was always there inside of me. One of the "benefits" of being in Scientology was that I missed out on an entire decade or so. I didn't read newspapers because Ron said it was all entheta so my view of the world was shaped by hearsay and other Scientologists peculiar interpretation of events. I remember vaguely something about the end of the Vietnam War, women's rights, the fuel crisis (which some Scientologists told me was a hoax created by the....), classic rock (couldn't afford a stereo or even the records, no TV either), etc. I couldn't tell you what were the popular movies back then because I didn't see them. Same thing with professional sports, have no idea which teams were powerhouses back then. I lived during those years but I might as well have been on a space station or imprisoned high up in a tower. It's hard not to be bitter about it.

DEI is a part of flying ruds. See what happens when you drill it til it's coming out your ears? Not only can you still remember it 10 years later, but you can do it in your sleep.

Auditor: Do you have an ARC X?

Preclear: Yes, I'm upset with my cat.

Auditor: I'll assess that. Is that a break in:
Affinity? LF
Reality?
Communication?

Preclear: Affinity, the cat peed on my new sofa.

Auditor: Thanks. I'll assess the break further.
Is that a:
Curious about affinity?
Desired affinity?
Enforced affinity?
Inhibited affinity?
No affinity? LFBD
Refused affinity?

Preclear: It's no affinity. I really didn't like my cat doing that.

Auditor: Thank you. I'd like to indicate that that break was a no affinity. Your needle is floating.

(LF stands for long fall and LFBD stands for long fall blow down--both types of needle reactions, the second so large as to cause the tone arm to moved downward to keep the needle on the dial. A floating needle means the process has concluded to a good result.)

The way the SO uses it sounds like "black tech."

Lucky

I appreciate your reply to my questions on DEI. I was interested because you mentioned you were on a recruiting tour and I got the impression that this was yet another trick to ensnare members of the public.

Aw, I'll just give up and stamp on the feet of the next scientologist who blocks my path and tries to usher me into their shop. It should work, especially if they have bunions.

Clamato

Thanks for taking the time to explain about DEIs and,in fact for all the other posts you make.
I don't want to be tiresome but I don't even know what flying ruds are.
We all know who would gain financially from the exercise you quoted, but who else did? The auditor, the pc, the cat or, even the sofa?
What a burden.

Paul Wilkens

One of the most therapeutic things people can do is to laugh and I've now reached the conclusion that LRH left his loyal followers no time for joy and laughter.
If you were deprived of newspapers etc, not only would you have no gauge for what time you were existing in, but you would have missed the wonderful, witty cartoons that bring a sudden smile to our face.
What did you look forward to most when you decided to make a dash for freedom? And did you achieve it? I hope you have a lot of happiness now to make up for the lost years.

PS Paul
Paul
On reading your earlier posts, I think you can congratulate yourself for deciding not to side with Crowley and pals. Also you noticed the icy look in the eyes of the 'Hitler youth' which is more than most people could do in those situations. They would have been brainwashed into believing that their own thinking was wrong and that more auditing was required. Your posts might stop others from dropping into the arid pit.

Sparrow, I'm sorry. Ruds (Rudiments) are basics that have to be addressed before a session can be given. The rudiments are: ARC Breaks (shorthand is ARC X, which means an upset), PTP's (present time problems) and Missed Withholds (MW/H). To "fly a rud" is auditor slang for addressing the rudiment and getting it to F/N (floating needle, good result).

ARC Breaks are assessed for the type of break it is (Affinity-Reality-Communication or Understanding), then the CDEINR flows are assessed. Supposedly, this removes the emotional "charge" from the issue. However, in later years Hubbard had to do something to mask the fact that assessing ARC X's didn't always produce miraculous results. So he wrote a bulletin that stated that all it did was defuse the "charge."

In other words, you can remove the emotional "charge" surrounding the upset, but residual negativity can remain that the assessment never handles. Why that should be, I don't know.

(Interesting, though, I had a few big ARCX's that no matter how many times ruds were flown could not cure the upset.) Another piece of quirky working tech.

I'll see if I can find the bulletin that discusses it. I'm interested in revisiting his logic.

Clamato

As long as you are happy to do this, but are you sure you don't need some sleep? occasionally.

paul you made me laugh with that viewpoint on dei. i also know i missed a ton of stuff that happened in the real world. but we did learn some things during the cult years. i still have'nt sorted out what.

Pam

I still haven't sorted out what either.

Sparrow:

Been meaning to answer you. I was kinda avoiding it because I knew this would be one of the longest postings I would ever do but I think I must.
When I left the only thing I wanted was to be left alone. Once I was sure I achieved that all I wanted was to be a wog. In a way, I was always a wog, even when I was in Scientology. In all seriousness I was 99% a Scientologist. It was just that 1% that I held back and believe me it got noticed for some reason and I took a lot of shit for it too.
I had some dreams I wanted to pursue before I got involved in this cult and of course Scientology thwarted that. I won't say what they were because that would give away too much about me. I tried to pursue these dreams after I left but due to perhaps my own scattered attention, outside circumstances, and the fact that I think Scientology killed something in me (gee, I must be a RESPONSIBLE FOR CONDITION CASE); the results were not a complete success. In a way it doesn't matter; everyone has to grow up a bit sooner or later and learn that you can't always get what you want. The Rolling Stones were correct about that one. There is so much to say about that but I can't remember it all. Sometime later perhaps.
Much later on I went back to school and learnt a trade. Again, I can't specify what trade for reasons we all know so well. When I was a clam I was told I didn't need to go to trade school or university because Scientology had all the answers and besides the school system was useless. Imagine that; the accumulated knowledge of generations of educators was a joke! I got very good marks in school but others in my class got good marks as well. Some people got higher marks than me and they didn't even do the Student Hat!
Am I happy? Well, I didn't do the Happiness Rundown so I guess I'm not. I'm happy that I'm out of Scientology though. I guess I'm not happy but it doesn't matter that much to me most of the time. There are other people in this world who have things a lot worse. So here I am, a wog, just like I always wanted to be and always was.
I no longer know what Life is all about and I don't know what the ultimate reality of the cosmos is anymore. I am sure I will never know. It doesn't matter.
Lately, I take comfort in three quotes; one is from the Tao Te Ching, one is from Ecclesiastes, and the last is unknown.

The way that can be spoken of
Is not the constant way;
The name that can be named
Is not the constant name.

-from the Tao Te Ching

...vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

-from Ecclesiastes

You can't take it with you.

-Unknown


Thank-you for reading this far.

Paul, someone who has been affected by two different cultures deeply (inside and outside of Scientology for you) will always feel like an outsider in either culture.

This can happen to a Korean-American, a deaf person who has recently gotten cochlear implants and can hear, a battle-scarred veteran, or an ex-Scientologist.

One way that people deal with it is to form a subculture like Korea-town in LA, or a group of deaf people that now can hear, or the guys at the bar at the local Veterans of Foreign Wars outpost, or this message board.

A number of people have pointed out that this message board seems like its own little cult. But that's simplistic. It's:

1) A welcoming committee for doubtful or fleeing Scientologists

2) A support group for ex-Scientologists and concerned family members of cult victims,

3) An activist whistle-blower platform,

4) An anti-Scientology humor rag (why doesn't OSA post non-pornographic anti-Clambake jokes here? We'd love them)

5) A "Reality Drama" for those curious about the real-life demise of a hypocritical, celebrity-worshipping crime-riddled racket. It's like the reverse of the "Survivor" TV show. Not who will be voted out, but who will CHOOSE to leave the back-biting, abused, cranky and increasingly unhealthy Org?

6) Part reference librarian, where the regulars point the newbies to sources and ideas already posted here or on the Internet.

The most powerful statements on this board are made by the ex-Scientologists. Keep talking (or "lurking" (shy people reading but not posting). There are people here who can understand what you're going through, or why the bad memories keep coming back. Writing and listening can be healing experiences. Once the experience is written down (by you or a person who had the same experience), on paper or on the message board, you don't have to hold it in your memory as tightly. Maybe you can let it go.