Dreams from my Exit Therapy

Share your personal experiences with others. We're not here to judge or criticise, but to share and support.

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Wieber
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Dreams from my Exit Therapy

Post by Wieber » Tue May 20, 2008 3:59 am

I have posted some of this stuff in the Scientology Dreams thread. I tended not to include this material in the other exit therapy threads. For one thing all of the narrative elements in these descriptions only happened in dreams. Some of it is just bizarre.

As far as I know everyone leaving scientology has dreams that have to do with scientology. For a while it got so bad that I didn't want to go to sleep at night. So I came to a time where I made a point of writing down what I could remember.

Over time they diminished and finally stopped, touch wood. I'm happy to say that I stopped having these dreams.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Wieber
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Post by Wieber » Tue May 20, 2008 4:01 am

I have Scientology dreams. I had them when I was on staff. I had them when I was away. I had them when I got back on lines. I had them after I got back on lines and I have had them since I got out.

I had one last night. I’ll be recounting these as and if I recall them, as I think it may be useful for me.

As I recall I was in a gymnasium size room with plain wooden flooring and high round topped windows. I was in a bleachers type seating arrangement with many other people. Elron himself came in to give a presentation on the emeter. The emeter in the dream was not like any of the ones in use though it had the characteristics.

Part of the presentation was to get the audience members on the meter. Since I am out I didn’t want to get on the emeter and give myself away. In my dream I had a phobia about this group. So what I did was ask about it. This led to it being opened up and having the electronic innards shown to me. Then there was a great variety of electrodes produced. Some were of various colours of anodized wire twisted together in sculptural shapes.

Then I realized I was dreaming and blew all the stuff that was bothering me away.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Wieber
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Post by Wieber » Tue May 20, 2008 4:04 am

I had another scientology dream this morning. I was at an event. I think I was on staff. We were in a room full of people who were on staff. We were waiting for the event to start. There was a buzz about an ethics officer coming in and wanting to see me. It was Fred Becks. He was an auditor who never passed up an opportunity to act like a bully. I was sitting on the carpet near a structural post. Finally someone said Fred's here or something. I stood up to meet the guy. The guy in the dream didn’t look like Fred Becks. Remember, I’m talking about a dream here. The guy had a terrible complexion with creases and warts on his red face. His nose was overgrown. He had long hair that puffed out and he wore a wine shade red two piece suit with light blue shirt and no tie. He shook my hand and said he looked forward to talking with me after the event. I felt trapped like there was no way out of there. I shut my eyes and concentrated on being somewhere else and when I opened them I was in my home. Not my home, but the home I had in the dream.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by Wieber » Tue May 20, 2008 4:05 am

By the way. I change names.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by Wieber » Tue May 20, 2008 4:07 am

Last night I had another scientology dream. This time the org was very large. It even had an auditorium type area. Elron was to be giving a lecture. Before the lecture everyone had to do TRs. I didn’t want to but I did it. While I was doing this elron came on the stage and was just out of my view. He told everyone to take a seat. This was not the elron of the photos of him. This elron was a young man of about thirty-five and much better looking than he had appeared in any of his photos or images.

He didn’t seem to say much of anything, but the area around him swirled with 3d images kind of like a 60’s psychedelic light show. The other prominent thing was a battle ship and a German WWII aircraft the like of which had never really existed.

There was this fat handler who seemed to be the in charge. He had a girl assisting him. They both were dressed in white. As the event was coming to a close he told me I would be then going for my qual interview. I didn’t want to go for a qual interview. I grabbed the entire scene, shrunk it and threw it away.

Images of that version of elron persisted. I finally yelled at him that I wanted to ask a question and he vanished.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by lucy skywalker » Tue May 20, 2008 4:53 am

Wieber you create great threads! If you choose to do so, you would make a great Scientology exit reclaiming one's life counselor!

Interesting ... when I was in Scientology, I actually stopped dreaming. This was another clue to me something was terribly wrong. Dreams were always very healing and guiding for me.

About six months after I left Scientology I began dreaming again and having weird nightmare dreams about my auditor and several Scientology friends ignoring me and being very rude. I'll have to look in my journals to remember as I let these go.

During one part of my healing phase I was having bizarre nightmares about Nicole and Tom, prior to the whole couch jumping phase! Again I will need to read my journals to remember details.

Dreaming is healthy. I remember having a conversation with my auditor about dreams and he basically invalidated them. Another Scientology misdirect!
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[i]beyond_horizons ... rest in peace dear friend[/i]

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Wieber
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Post by Wieber » Tue May 20, 2008 5:22 am

Lucy, you are the second person I know of who said that they stopped having dreams while in scientology. I wonder how common this is? I'll start a thread on it in Opinions and Debate.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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More on dreams

Post by RedPill » Tue May 20, 2008 9:31 am

When I first received professional auditing, I noticed that while is in that near sleep state, just prior to going over to a deeper sleep state, there were all sorts of color patterns, like I had stirred something up.

Regarding Scientology dreams, never having had the intense experience of being on staff, I can't say I remember any. My being in the Navy was far more of intense thing, and I did have plenty of dreams about still being in, having it drag on and on, or, conversely, doing what was actually the best thing about it ... interestingly enough, being out to sea, on deployment, on watch ... and being taken into a room by a former boss of mine and sat down at a desk with a phone and a stack of leads, all alone, expected to call all these people and make sales.

I suspect that the dreaming is evidence of a mild form of post traumatic stress disorder. Maybe you don't have to actually be in combat to get PTSD, it might be a matter of how severe. Even a mild case can royally upgaphuq your life pretty badly, the dreams are probably the least of it.

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Post by Wieber » Tue May 20, 2008 6:51 pm

I had another dream two nights ago. I was in the academy course room, wanted to leave and had a pressing feeling on my chest that I couldn’t get away. That’s one of the constants of those dreams. I had one back soon after I got away in ‘78. In that one, I was out in the street on the run with about seven or eight staff members hunting me down. They would shout things like, “there he is!” and “Get him!”

I get angry at people in scientology. Then I remind myself that those who are in are also victims and are enslaved.

It occurs to me that the only power that organization has is the people that are in. It’s ironic that the whole house of cards is built on people that have been subjected to mind control techniques and who, if they were made aware of what was done to them, would leave. If enough of them would leave quickly the whole house of cards would collapse.

As the ranks became reduced, the pressure on the ones that were left would increase as would the abuse and that in turn would increase the rate at which those left in would then leave.

The whole value of any organization or nation is not their products, resources or monetary wealth. It is the talent, skills, abilities, health and well being of their people. To the degree that the people involved are abused and enslaved, organizations that do that are diminished in value and power.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by Wieber » Tue May 20, 2008 6:56 pm

Two nights ago I had three scientology dreams. I can’t remember much of the first two, except that they were scientology dreams. In the third one, I was in an org but it wasn’t any one I have ever actually been in. I was on my way out and I knew I wasn’t ‘in’ anymore but I was trying to be polite as I was leaving. Chuck Allen came in wearing a putty nose on his face that made his nose look long. He had gotten involved in a theatre group and had come from a dress rehearsal or something. He was talking about that.

Then as I was packing up an attaché case or something, Matt Connor showed up and wanted to speak to me. He had been my senior in the big org and as such was an absolute ass hole. Matt-cult-member was an ass hole. Matt-Matt when he showed up was an ok guy. Anyway this was Matt-cult-member. I felt like I was being circled by a shark and he was about to put the clamp back on me.

Finally I grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him into the desk. He doubled up and I kicked him in the groin from behind and he went down. Remember this is what was happening in my dream not in real life. This is not a confession based on a real event. Then I made the org disappear and threw Matt out of my dream realm.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by Wieber » Tue May 20, 2008 6:58 pm

I had another scientology dream this morning.

I was in the local org, but it wasn’t the local org here because the layout of the place was different.

It was a Thursday and the org’s stats had crashed because of the recent South Park activity, Tom Cruise’s rantings and all the stuff in the news. There was a big push to get the stats up, and the org had everyone in there they could get in.

I started working on a parody song called, Thursday at Two. There were two or three young girls who had beat me to this with essentially the same song only serious and not a parody. It was actually more effectively satirical than my song.

I was sitting at one of the desks in the study room and we were waiting for some sea org flunky to come in and give us a rousing, pumpkin-up-the-ass, get-to-work, do-it-for-Ron, make-it-go-right speech. Someone asked me the definition of degauss. I told him. He didn’t like it, so I explained what it involved in detail. He reluctantly let me alone after that.

I got up to get my things together to get out of there. Then I realized that I wouldn’t be able to get out. Then I realized this was a dream.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by Wieber » Tue May 20, 2008 7:04 pm

As I recall I was in a gymnasium size room with plain wooden flooring and high round topped windows. I was in a bleachers type seating arrangement with many other people. Elron himself came in to give a presentation on the emeter. The emeter in the dream was not like any of the ones in use though it had the characteristics.

Part of the presentation was to get the audience members on the meter. Since I am out I didn’t want to get on the emeter and give myself away. In my dream I had a phobia about this group. So what I did was ask about it. This led to it being opened up and having the electronic innards shown to me. Then there was a great variety of electrodes produced. Some were of various colours of anodized wire twisted together in sculptural shapes.

Then I realized I was dreaming and blew all the stuff that was bothering me away.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
Doris Lessing

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Post by neil c » Wed May 21, 2008 4:40 pm

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Post by Wieber » Wed May 21, 2008 6:16 pm

I had a scientology dream in which I was in the org on course and everyone was as nice as nice could be to me. In the dream I felt happy and serene. Then when I woke up I forgot about an important meeting I had that day and didn’t go to it. I don’t know if the two are associated.

Some days later I had dreams for two nights running. This involved the same org. (I’m using the loaded language here. I should be saying organization or ‘church’ neither of which is fair to organizations or churches. I’ll stick with org until I can think of an alternative that is more pejorative.) I had a similar dream this morning.

In each of these I was in the milieu of the organization and not interacting much with it. The organizations had a large number of people staffing them. They felt like efficient happy places and I felt comfortable in them.

The only time I have felt really comfortable in a building enclosing an organization of the so called church of scientology was during the first week when I did the Hubbard Apprentice Scientologist course. At that stage the honeymoon was still on and I was being love bombed.

The second time I came back ‘on lines’ the procedure was similar. It started off with the feel good treatment and was segueing very rapidly into the so called church getting all my material worth and then engaging my services as a willing and badly treated slave.

My term for that is the ‘clamp.’ When I was having an early interview with the executive director I said something along the line of ‘everything seems to be really pleasant and then you get the clamp.’ I got a very brief head-back-stare-into-space response to that one. In the same conversation she remarked that she had just recently completed the False Purposes Rundown and had stopped protesting. She seemed quite happy about that. I guess there are circumstances where you can be wearing the clamp and not be aware of it. Just before I left I was being fitted for one.

Having these benign scientology dreams bothers me greatly. I would rather have the scientology night mares. At least they are closer to the way the organization really treats their members. The next time I have one of those I will wear a T-shirt that says “Remember Lisa – xenu.net.” Then we’ll see how benign the dream stays.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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Post by Wieber » Wed May 21, 2008 6:19 pm

I had the strangest scientology dream ever early this morning. I don’t know the exact content, but the org was in this large building complex. There were a great many people in the building, so we weren’t working under the magnifying glass most scientology staff work under. There was this one guy going around expressing his dissatisfaction with Hubbard.

Then at one point Hubbard comes out to deal with this guy. Only he comes out waddling around like a giant goose. His head is bigger and attached to a long flexible neck. I am most reminded by the Martian birds in the Marvin the Martian episodes of Bugs Bunny. Also his head was distorted with his brain casing curving back and his chin distended and his hair all sticking up like a feather at the back.

He followed the dissatisfied guy around with his head going back and forth like he was pecking at him. The other funny thing is all the time I had no feelings of guilt, panic, fear and so on, but I did have a fondness for this Hubbard bird entity. After waking up that fact disturbed me somewhat.
“Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.”
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